You're only responsible for your honesty - not someone's reaction to your honesty.
~ Kelli Jae Baeli
I read a good post this morning by Tarazkp that was talking about looking back at our lives and having the courage to shine light on ourselves, the dark reaches within us where we store all those traits and characteristics that we don't really like and how we've handled situations 30 years ago compared to now. It came across as almost a bit of a challenge, one that I didn't really shy away from as I regularly look back at the things I've done, not done, achieved, failed at (horribly in some instances) and see what it has taught me.
One thing that happened through my life and recently as well is that in times when called upon, I have been ruthlessly honest: no beating around the bush and no sugar-coating shit. I've always had very mixed feelings about this because while I certainly count it as a virtue and part of my ethical standard that some people can't understand...whenever it has been the time to stand up for truth, I have.
Which unfortunately are often not great. It's a sign of the times really. It's easier to be "nice" than to be "real".
So let me give you two different examples.
Many years ago myself and many other staff members of a company got retrenched. Not out of any fault of our own. It was a mass lay-off because the company lost it's largest contract and it was the only way that the company could survive. I understood the reasons behind them losing the contract, which I won't go into detail about here but it wasn't actually their fault and it wasn't the work standard either. We'll chalk it up to bureaucratic BS. Don't get me started on bureacracies! Alas - we found ourselves called into a meeting (60 plus staff) in the courtyard and we were told that it would be our last month there.
I then piped up and said "This feels terrible! Not just for us and our lives personally, but for the company as well. We've always been like a family here and the fault doesn't lie with us, or with you [the company], yet we are being given marching orders. It's really not a very fair situation - and feels absolutely horrible!"
I had expressed my feelings and those that I could read on people's faces around me. I was honest about it.
Everyone was standing around and agreeing with me, the company owner thanked me and said that his feelings mirrored mine and many others there. I asked if there was anything we could potentially do to help the situation, could we provide possible solutions in the interim? Could I personally adjust my wages or work hours and still provide assistance to the company when needed, for free if necessary?
This opened the floor to a flood of brainstorming, ideas, suggestions and so on - people were more able to express themselves now as the "aggrieved feelings" had been openly aired and they didn't have to put themselves on the spot to do it. I had opened my big mouth on their behalf.
Just recently I resigned from a position because it really didn't align with my ethics and morals, provided no work-life balance, my manager was a bit of a lunatic and probably needs a diagnosis and apart from that, they had me working there for two months without providing me with a contract or service level agreement in place - a blatant and serious disregard of the law.
While I was there, I didn't want to rock the boat too much being the "newbie" so I asked a good handful of times about my contract and got a varied array of excuses. I was surprised they didn't tell me the dog ate it lol.
The environment that I was working in was extremely pressured and the anxiety levels of everyone working there were almost always just a stones nudge away from tipping point. These days the word "toxic" gets thrown around a lot and has become quite cliché but it ticked every box if you had to look up the definition of a toxic or hostile work environment. As a direct result of the timelines of projects and deadlines continually being changed and projects re-directed; nobody really had the time to acknowledge or deal with any of this. When you're in crisis management mode, the priority is definitely not the health and well-being of your staff, right? Oh, of course not. They just need to suck it up and grow thicker skin [sarcasm].
In every situation like this that I have dealt with previously, I have always felt that it's important to try and discuss things and see if there is perhaps a solution that can be looked at and implemented. I tried that here and directly the opposite happened than it did in the previous scenario. I was shut down, my grievances were disregarded and I was told that they'd sort out their illegalities in terms of my lack of paperwork.
A week later nothing had changed, so I left. I had essentially given them a week's notice and they called my bluff. So I called theirs right back.
Interestingly the story didn't end there though. I got a phone call a few days later from someone higher up the chain of command who wanted to know what the real story was as he and the CEO hadn't even been told that I had resigned: it was shrouded in secrecy and rumours.
As diplomatically as I could, I explained it to him. It wasn't really anything personal. It was just business. The company has been running for over 5 decades and still hasn't managed to get the basics right. Employee wellness and job satisfaction probably rank the lowest on the scale of priorities. Couple that with workplace bullying, threats, illegalities and so on and you have yourself a perfect storm for a shit show! Of course I didn't word it like that, but he got the gist of what I was saying. The surprise factor came when he admitted that they have been contemplating firing my ex line manager for the last year. Funny thing that...it wasn't just me that couldn't work with her. Apparently I'm just the most recent case of many.
I ended the conversation telling him that I have no ill feelings towards the company, I tried my best to do what I could and help where I could but at the end of the day, I had to be "real" about the situation.
It was refreshing to hear him thank me for my honesty and giving him better insight into the situation. I had very little to lose as my ex manager "doesn't get along with anyone" (his words, not mine) and I doubt she would give me a good reference in any regard.
This discussion was completely at odds with what I had experienced when trying to negotiate with my line supervisors. The thing that annoys me is that all of the issues that I had brought up are well known to these higher-ups, yet nothing has been done about it. Most of the issues he raised before I even mentioned them in fact.
So do I feel pumped or deflated about the situation and how it unfolded? I suppose a bit of both. I provided them an opportunity to rectify something important which they ignored. I provided them with reasonable expectations which they failed to meet. I had tried my best to maintain my workload and work standard while expected to work 14 to 18 hour days. The fact that I couldn't meet their expectations left me with some questions:
Was I experienced enough in that kind of position to be dumped in the deep end? No. If I had to do a SWAT analysis it would definitely be a weakness in that regard.
Was the work that I produced of good quality? Not to the standards of my ex manager but I think a lot of that arose out of a need to control absolutely everything and micromanage every aspect of my job, something that I really disliked and found counter-productive.
Could I perhaps have left on better terms? Maybe, but I certainly could have left on worse terms considering they are breaking the law.
Do I feel that my decision was justified if any reasonable person had to look at the circumstances? Yes.
Do I regret my decision to be honest with the CEO? No.
Do I feel guilty about leaving? Yes, mostly because I am haunted by the feeling of failure.
Having admitted that last one, I need to add this one in juxtaposition:
Did I learn anything from the experience? I learned a fuck ton. About people, about companies, about how dishonesty in the workplace festers and becomes invasive. About bully bosses and how to not let them get to me. About the job function itself. And, about MYSELF as a person!
While it may seem weak to have left and not stuck it out for the money, it was more important to me to question whether I could morally align with the company ethos and work for people who really do not care about their employees, the law, workplace environmental factors, lines of communication or egos that get in their own way.
It doesn't really make me feel all that much better about the situation, but at least I've been the adult in the room and tried to grow from the experience, I just hope that they will do the same.
Sometimes the dark corners aren't all that dark and it really depends on the questions you're asking yourself regarding the situations you experience.
