My poor little baby! I can’t even tell you the fright I got! I don’t remember hearing the thud, but it must have woken me up because I jerked awake and remember looking at the pillow and realizing he wasn’t there anymore and then the terrible feeling I felt when I saw him lying face-down on the floor. I must have felt it right away, but in the first few split seconds that I saw him I remember thinking that he’d been there for a long time already. I guess that was because he wasn’t crying yet (he was obviously in shock and drawing that first breath to belt out a loud cry) so I was even more freaked out. I picked him up as fast as I could and just held him and comforted him. I didn’t know yet if he was seriously hurt, but I couldn’t see anything on his face and I just wanted him to feel safe in my arms. He cried really loudly for a few minutes and I just kept holding him, rocking him and talking to him. I thought my heart was going to break and I felt like the worst mother in the world. I think he was crying more from the shock than any pain because Greg and I inspected his whole body and there were no bumps or marks. Still, that was a really hard floor he fell on! He drank a bottle a few minutes after he’d calmed down and then dropped off to sleep. I went online to see what people had to say and realized very quickly that I wasn’t alone. The question was asked over and over again and this one online pediatrician said if he could have a dime for every time he’d heard it asked, he’d be rich (read richer). Every time it was asked you could tell the mommy felt just awful. I went on a lot of boards to read discussions on it, too, and from what I gather these little cherubs are a lot more resilient than we realize. They said that anything over 3 feet was cause for concern and our bed isn’t that high. Also, any noticeable bumps or swelling is worrying. They said you needed to just pay attention over the next while to make sure the baby wasn’t lethargic, that he wasn’t vomiting (not normal feeding-related spitting up) and that he wasn’t crying continually. They also said to check that both pupils dilate when you shine a light in them. Jay was fine on all counts. They said not to let the baby sleep for more than an hour at a time after a fall so I made sure I woke him up, but after he woke up he was his usual active self – making little sounds, smiling and playing.
When I got to work I told Katy and the boss (she had come by to drop coffee off for all of us because Monday was Teacher’s Day in Taiwan – I got lots of letters from the kids and some cookies from the parents). They were both really sweet about it and said that when it happens the first time with the first baby, it’s always the worst, and that it had happened with their kids too. That helped me feel a little more relaxed and not like such a complete failure. It seems that it is something that every mother goes through at some point. I must say that Greg was super nice about it, too. Not once did he blame me or make me feel like I’d done anything wrong. He was only supportive and kind. I wish I could say I had responded the same way when he dropped Jay in the bath that time. Next time I hope I will not judge so quickly (although is it too much to ask that there isn’t a next time?). Greg is one amazing guy to not blame me at all – not even inside. You can tell it’s not as though he is secretly angry. He really doesn’t blame me and thinks I’m a great mother.
So, now that we are aware of our baby’s rolling ability, we have taken precautions. I know I mentioned that he’d rolled over before, but it was just those two times and he hadn’t done it since. I guess I also thought that he was safe in the bed because he usually sleeps with my arm around him (I mean during the second part of the night – the first half he spends in his crib). Anyway, there is nowhere for him to roll now so hopefully that never happens again. I know that accidents happen and babies will fall down, but in this situation I just felt so bad because I feel like I should have prevented it from happening at all. Anyway, you live and you learn and I’ve beaten up on myself enough. My son still seems to love me and trust me and is still his happy, healthy self.
We put a new CD player in the baby room near the change table. Now we always play a CD for him when we change his diaper and he loves it. Stella told me on Monday that she really thinks he loves music because he shouted very loudly when she put the CD on. I asked if he was upset at the time and she said no, that he was just “talking” to it and she thinks that he thinks the CD is talking to him. Ha! So cute. I must say that I do love it when he “talks”. He loves to raise his voice and kind of shout like he has something important to tell us.
Often Greg will just stare at Jay and suddenly say in amazement, “Wow! We have a son!” The other night he’d already fallen asleep on the bed and I was looking after Jay who didn’t want to go to sleep. At one point I realized that he was still hungry so I wanted to make him another bottle. I plonked him on the bed with Greg and asked him to just let Jay lie next to him for a while. I hadn’t realized how asleep Greg was because he opened his eyes and said,”Wow! We have two sons.” Yes, TWO! I just laughed and said, “No, we don’t. We have A son.” And then he looked confused and suddenly it dawned on him and he was like, “Oh my gosh! That’s right!” So funny!
He also just loves it when I bounce him up and down on my knees and sing that song “This is the Way the Ladies Ride”. He loves it when I get to the “baby” part. After the song I bounce him a bit longer and then pretend to drop him between my knees. He just loves it and gives me huge smiles. The other day he even laughed – every time I’d “drop” him, he’d shriek in delight.
Changing him now has gotten a little more tricky due to his new rolling skills. Luckily, he can only roll in one direction so far and it’s toward the wall. Still, trying to keep that little body still enough to change is something else! He loves it when you put him on the bed and let him roll around or let him hold onto your thumbs and let him “sit” up. Now I’ve put a big waterproof sheet in the baby room and I I let him lie naked on it after his bath so his butt can be aired out a bit. He also plays with his bobbin kickin gym and enjoys it now. He stares at the bear’s nose lighting up and pulls at the toys and kicks the ball. I tried it before once without the sheet and he peed everywhere and I needed to wash the mats and give him a second bath because it went all over his back. Now if he pees the sheet will just soak it up and then we can just throw it away and use a new one.
As far as the feedings go, things have improved a lot, but I don’t like talking about it because it seems like women have very strong opinions on this and some think that putting infant rice cereal in a bottle with formula is this terrible, outdated practice. I just know that it works for Jay and he seems so much happier when he gets fed. He no longer arches his back or vomits. The total amount of bottles has decreased a little, but I read about it online and they said that this is due to the fact that he is keeping everything down now. Plus, the cereal is heavier so it keeps him full for longer. I’m pretty sure that he is probably taking in MORE of the good stuff with the cereal now that he isn’t chucking everything straight up again. I would have just left things if it hadn’t hurt him, but he wasn’t a “happy spitter”. It hurt and he would cry before vomiting (even after drinking breast milk) and he would often cry after a few sips from his bottle, drink a bit, cry some more and so on. Now he relaxes and drinks his whole bottle and burps nicely, but doesn’t end up vomiting it all out. Now and then there is a tiny spit, but nothing compared to what it was like before. Honestly, he would drench his bibs constantly. We’d have to change him a bunch of times and Greg, Stella and I would all end up with vomit on our clothes. Not anymore (now we just end up with lots of spit everywhere because he is in the drooling and blowing spit bubbles stage). I don’t put that much in, but the other day I tried less and lo and behold – he cried and vomited again so it definitely works. Actually, it is ONLY recommended to add it to bottles IF the baby suffers from acid reflux and after reading all about it online, I’m 99% sure that’s what he had and I’m just glad this seems to be working and I don’t have to try meds. Also, some women say that the rice cereal is just “empty calories” and can make a baby fat, but I hope that won’t happen if I just continue to feed him when he is hungry. I know the really good stuff is in the formula, but as I said the cereal is helping him keep that good stuff down. Plus, the cereal I got is especially designed for babies and they can start eating it like porridge from 4 months. It’s really fine powder so he can’t choke and on the side of the can, it shows you how to mix it into their bottles if they’re younger and need to take it in that way. It has a lot of good vitamins and minerals added to it. Oh, and an added bonus is that it helps him sleep better during the second part of the night so I now get around 3 hours then instead of just 50 minutes to 2 hours max. As I mentioned, though, I got a full 7 and a half hours last night so he slept right through which was a first.
To be honest, I’m not 100% sure that Jay is teething after all. I thought he was because when I felt in his mouth, I felt this sharp thing, but now I think that was just gum because I can’t see anything there. He does want to chew on my finger and chews on his own all the time and he drools so much, so maybe he is. I guess we’ll know when he cuts his first tooth. Another reason I thought he was – he has been quite fussy at night lately and has had a low grade fever at night for the last couple of days, but it could just be his body trying to ward off a cold. Both Greg and I have felt like we kind of had the beginnings of a cold. I’ve been sneezing quite a bit over the last few days, had a headache on Friday and felt bunged up and have struggled with a sore throat. I just keep gargling and drinking cayenne pepper which I’m sure has helped. We take Jay’s temperature quite a few times during the day. As I said, he had a low grade fever, but was still eating and drinking normally so it wasn’t cause for concern. Either he is fighting off a cold or it could be teething. Will keep you posted.
Lots of love
Em x
snippets from October 2009 (3 months)
