Ok, my weight is average. It has been that since I was in high school teenage. I am in my late 20's now and I still think about becoming skinny thin like some model. I mean, I am telling you, my mood and feelings are driving crazy when I am thinking about my body.
No, it's even worse actually, my life is a big fat monster nagging all the time telling me how I have to become thin because I am so over-weight. I am obsessed with my body weight. I am not normal so I really don't care getting any comments about how annoying I am. (A good thing about steemit is that I can say whatever I want on the Internet. You would be surprise how many restrictions other social network platform has on their posting guideline). Especially, when I want to write about anything I want as who I am and not pretending someone else. Pretending how something is so interesting when I actually don't give a shit about it and I would still post them anyway because I know it would earn more likes by others. After all, SNS platforms are so much focused on business and advertising. Eventually, I become insecure about my postings due to low number of likes and then at the end the result is totally fake. I am posting shits that I don't even care and things that do not mean anything to me or my life at all.
I mean, as a content creator that we have become in 21st century internet world, how could this is possibly inspiring for us to create more contents and postings that are actually worthy and value with such beautiful ideas. Ideas are beautiful only when they truly came from the honest minds of the creators. (Anyway you see here I am very sentimental and also suffering from bipolar disorder maniac type-1.) I can be really bitchy and insecure at the same time.
So back to the point, this is what I want to illustrate here. When it comes to weight and such personality of mine combine; guess what? Eating disorder is understandable. Because I am not happy about social guidelines as I have represented through the reality of SNS effects upon the users and sick of pretending being happy with everything I began to look at myself in the mirror. I am not happy with my body because it reminds me that my so-not-perfect body shape is the reason for such failures. Body is honest. That is why I like about taking control of my own body. When I gain weight, that meansI was lazy and procrastinating at work. When I loose weight, that means I have been working hard and putting actual effort to my life. So there I am, this is how I developed my eating disorder.
Do I have eating disorder? Yes and I am aware of it. This is enough for me right now. This is a little step towards my problem but small steps can make unimaginable difference. I challenged myself and accepted my problems and weaknesses. Disgusting habits. I am embarrassed but it is OK because this post is now "past tense" where I always learn from.
