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Anger is a natural and normal attribute to human that most time is allowed to be expressed; this is because it helps complete our emotion circle. However, it’s unhealthy to allow it flare at will thereby controlling your every actions to the spoil. Anger can be extreme or mild it all depends on how you are willing to let it control the moment. When your anger becomes extreme/chronic, it becomes dangerous, explosive and can pose treat in your relationship with negative consequences in the end. This is why dealing with anger in relationship is something we should all consider and know when and how to apply the right spice to calm the situation. Although most people say it is impossible to control themselves when they get angry, the good news is that it is very easy to control if you are willing to. For any anger tip to be effective, you first need to let go of your ego and pride, then assume you are about to learn something that will make you different and better.
Why do we need to control our anger?
This is a question most people would ask. Reason is simple; while some feel it has helped them overcome some difficult situations, the true feel and realization is always not a happy ending. Yes, it does not always have a happy ending especially in our relationships because the aftermath may be hurting and might even send a negative and unforgettable memory to your spouse. Like I said earlier, while it’s perfectly normal to feel angry when you’ve been mistreated or wrongfully accused, anger becomes a problem when you express it in a way that harms yourself, your spouse or others. Souce
What Can I do to control my anger issue?
1. Understand yourself:
As individuals, we all function, act and react differently to occasions and situations. Ideally our actions and inactions plays a greater part in our self-compositions so if you can figure out how you act and react to issues and situations, then you have figured out the major problem surrounding your anger issue. If I know that I am easily provoked by the slightest provocative joke by my spouse, then I will know I need to avoid those jokes by simply telling her how I feel about them.
2. Understand each other:
It’s not enough to understand yourself without knowing much about your spouse. We know that relationship is a two-way thing. While you are understanding yourself and how to help cub your anger issue, you also need to study your spouse, learn what makes them angry and what makes them happy so that in the end, it will be a win-win for both of you.
3. The Right Communication:
If you must work on your anger, you must learn to communicate well with your spouse. Perfect communication is a great spice to making your relationship work. More-also, it keeps the relationship alive. In my little findings, I discovered that most relationship don’t work-out because it lacks the right communications. With good communication, you actually learn each-others weaknesses and what makes them angry thereby avoiding to trigger them.
4. Be calm and do More Listening:
It is often a good practice to cultivate the habit of listening irrespective of what your spouse is saying. Most ladies appreciate it when their man is the listening type rather than he being the neglecting type. Weather what she is saying makes sense or not, just do her the honor of paying attention and show them that you are listening. This attitude will make you reduce the rate at which you are easily aggravated. It is also a norm to know that Anger fuels anger, so the calmer you can remain, the quicker your partner’s anger subsides. Shouting at your partner in a rage escalates more anger, and joining a passive aggressive partner in sulking can make the situation continue further.
5. Address anger issues immediately:
Most times, chronic anger comes as a result of accumulated annoying feeling that has been nursed over time. To avoid this, when you first start noticing the signs of anger in your spouse, it is a wise practice to ask them what’s happening so as to address it immediately. Leaving an angry person to nurse her hurt makes things worse in the future.
6. Share your feelings:
There is a popular saying which states that a problem shared is a problem half solved, this also applies in relationships. Sharing your feelings makes each other know how hurt/bad you might be over a situation. If you’re feeling angry, let your partner know. If you’re feeling nervous, upset or frustrated by your partner’s anger, then share that also. This is very important because it will help reduce unnecessary argument that might lead to anger.
7. Be slow to speak:
If it’s possible, think about what you are about to say before you say it. One thing that might help is for you to cultivate the counting habit. In some daisy situations, if you can count between 5 to 10 before speaking, it will help you chose your words more carefully before you air them. Remember words are like eggs, once you spill them, there is no taking back. So be very careful of what you say to avoid irrational and irritating acts.
8. Connect physically:
Yes, this will be my last point and is very important. Connecting physically gives you both sense of belonging to each other. Huging, kissing, romance and sex do have a great role to play in solving anger issues in our relationships. For many women, this may involve a bit of fake it ’til you make it, if the situation is in the process of being resolved but isn’t there yet. For most men, sex actually serves to alleviate resentment because it’s a form of connection in its own right.
Even though you both might not be in the same emotional place during the resolution process, connecting physically can help. In fact, some marriage counselors suggest that if the marriage is on a downswing, having sex at least once a day might help put things in a different light and aid in resolving resentment.
In conclusion; anger is an emotion that cannot be totally eradicated from our live because it’s part of who we are. So rather than trying to crush it, the more appropriate thing is to control it so it does not take the better side of you.
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