One week without smoking.. how''s it been?

Well i am pleasantly surprised that i have managed to get this far, with relatively little temptation to buckle and smoke even one cigarette. During the first two days i was craving a smoke almost every 5 minutes, and after every significant event such as eating or, of course, waking up. Anyone who has given up any lifetime habit will know, it isnt easy, and whilst i won't say it has been easy, i also wont say its been as hard as i feared.

What is hard for me is holding the emotional stuff that keeps coming up. Ive really realised now how much i depended on smoking as an emotional support. Just a few days ago i got really really upset because of a few things, including some pretty badly timed trades on the good old bitcoin... as i stared at a 10% dump, and then a few other synchronistic events i really really wanted to calm myself down and smoke. The desire was so intense, and at one point i even felt that i could not breathe because i was not inhaling smoke. It was a really strange feeling to feel that I needed to be inhaling smoke to breathe! How mad is that! ANyways, the good news is i didn't give in, and i just had to deal with my shit, my feelings in a different way.

Even now i can feel a lot of stuff whirring around deep down. »That little voice KEEPS beckoning me to do it, and there are times when i do feel somehow close to caving in.. but, somehow i manage to remind myself that it doesn't really help me feel any better, that it is just an illusion that i made up. Somehow it works.

I think the meditation helps, but alone it is not enough. Exercise is probably the best thing to really replace those happy hormones and whilst i am doing a little bit on my bike it is not enough. I feel very resistant to really pushing it and making myself sweat and work out. I just refuse to do it still, which feels like a bit of a shame really, but im not going to give myself a hard time about it.. I try to be compassionate and soft with myself.. surely im already doing so much.

I was hoping that my sore throat of 4 years would have improved.. i kind of hoped that it was the smoking that kept it sore, but sadly that is not the case.. My darn throat just keeps on throbbing, sometimes all day.. shit. Its not good, and i think very soon i am going to have to. go to a doctor and get some antibiotics.. As much as i really dont want to do it, its probably time.. before it becomes something much worse. i mean, 4 years is enough right!? jeszzzz..

As i write this, i am focussing of course on smoking! That in itself is actually making me desire it. i guess when the thoughts go the energy flows.. and that perhaps is the greatest lesson i can learn and share form this experience. I simply dont think about not smoking, and try to just ignore or fly past any thoughts that come up. THe less we think about something, the less power it has over us. It's a good thing to realise, and to remember when those weak moments arise. What i mean is that when i have that urge to smoke, the best possible think i can do is just distract myself.. in any way at all.. Its funny how the minds works.. its like it just wants to hold on to something, anything.. it doesnt even matter.. Just offer it something and it will hold on and forget about whatever else it was preoccupied with.. Very strange.. but true..

SOOO... i think i had better stop writing about this now.. else im going run out and end up buying some! that would be a shame..

Time to get outside and do some exercise!
Hope you have a great week, and feel free to send me your supportive comments.. they really do help.. <3 xx