Before I get into all of the things, thank you to everyone who commented or sent me discord DM’s after my initial post about mom. I haven’t been able to respond to everyone. Partly because things have been hectic. Partly, because it is so hard to find the words of appreciation for you all.
The day after mom passed was my dad’s 81st birthday. Mom had so wanted to make it to all of our birthdays. 😪 We brought dad the most half-assed cupcakes on the day and his gift.
The next day we took dad out of lunch. It was the first time dad had been to a restaurant since before Covid. This was partly due to his roll as full time caregiver to mom, and partly because dad avoided places where he feared catching Covid and brining it home to mom.
He enjoyed being out again.
4th of July came and went… This is usually a holiday I really enjoy, but this year I spent the day writing mom’s obituary. In the evening instead of fireworks, I fell into an exhausted sleep. We did pop out mid day for just a little red, white & blue ambiance.
My husband went to Europe. My spouse works in aerospace manufacturing, and unfortunately had to meet with parts suppliers in Olm, Germany and another potential supplier in Milan, Italy. Right in the midst of mom stuff. In some ways it was Ok. It gave me time to focus 100% on dad and funeral planning. Plus, it gave hubs a minor reprieve from the emotional intensity of home. I got a couple of cool magnets from his trip.
I received so much sympathy schwag in the mail. Every piece was soooo appreciated. Cards, flowers, a candle a journal… I even received a USD check that came from hive donations made by many of you!
With the money from my friends in the silver gold stackers community, I purchased something so very special to me. My mom LOVED Christmas and collected so many holiday ornaments. One series she had collected for decades, was a yearly Hallmark keepsake ornament called “Frosty and Friends”. The series began in 1980. It depicts a little Eskimo child each year with a different polar animal doing something cute. Mom had every single one of these ornaments… except the 1980 release. It is expensive on eBay and very collectible. Thanks to many of you, I was able to purchase this ornament and will hang mom’s whole collection on my tree each year in her memory.
I planned mom’s funeral. Dad helped some. We bought mom’s spot in a nearby cemetery. I found and ordered an urn for her remains. We met with a priest at the church where my parents were married. I (though not religious) picked all of the readings, prayers and music for mom’s service. I designed and printed programs and “prayer cards” and organized food and flowers for mom’s post funeral reception.
We went to a Blink 182 concert. Months ago I bought pit tickets to see Blink 182 play the Gorge Amphitheater in Eastern Washington. They are one of my all time favorite bands. In an effort to embrace the joy of life, hubby and I went to the show. The weather was hot. The venue was beautiful, and I upgraded our tickets to get VIP lounge access. We were SO CLOSE to the stage. It was a fun and life affirming night.
On the way home from Blink, I MAYBE got a sign from mom. I am not religious, but I hope there is something after this life. You will often hear stories of people thinking their loved ones are showing them some sign of love from the other side. Maybe it is grandma sending butterflies, or your deceased friend’s favorite song playing everywhere, or maybe a rainbow appearing at just the right moment.
Before mom died I wanted us to pick something. So if I saw it I would know she was still with me. Her downturn came so quickly… we never picked a thing.
But on our drive home from Blink 182, my husband and I stopped at an antique mall/fruit stand in Thorpe, WA. As I was looking through the mall I came across a coffee mug. The mug had images of the Hallmark Frosty and Friends ornament on it! I am/was probably grasping at straws and coincidences. Regardless, we bought the mug.
July 17 was mom’s funeral. For being a sad day, it was also a perfect farewell for mom. 50 people attended mom’s service in person and another 10 or so watched online. Her service is on YouTube and has about 80 views. So… maybe some other folks watched too.
My cousins did Bible readings. Mom’s friend (and chaplain) read a poem mom specifically asked her to read. I did the Eulogy. After we had a big lunch in the church all and a graveside service at the cemetery.
I was really happy with the priest. Neither mom nor I are religious, but dad is Catholic. So the service was at a church. But the priest did a good job in comforting my family. He shared stories of God’s love and role in the complexities of life and loss in a non preachy way, and it was a warm and loving service. I am really thankful mom had such a beautiful farewell.
Three days post funeral I turned 50. We had BIG party at our house. It was fun and joy filled. My family all came. Friends from childhood, high school, college and work showed up. We played games and ate tons of food. The day was sunny and warm.
My husband also arranged for far away friends to send me video messages which he complied into one long video. It it included family in Australia, a friend in Bangkok, some guy who runs a shop in our town, the bass player from the band The Dirty Heads and the final message… was such a surprise I screamed in glee when I watched it. The VIDEO mostly made me cry happy tears, and I felt so loved.
I am back at work this week. Thankful to be working from home. Thankful I have a job that gave me almost a month of paid time off.
Friday will mark one month since mom passed. I am not sure how I am doing. Sometimes really sad, but also still enjoying life. I am glad to finally have a reprieve so I can sit in peace for a bit with my loss.
Thank you again to everyone who has been so supportive and loving… this last month and last 4.5 years. I appreciate you all. 🩷
