Solo fue una Confusion//Just a Confusion

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SG me dijo que se veía a sí misma incompleta, aunque yo la contemplaba de manera diferente, era totalmente completa, no le hacía falta nada, me parecía perfecta ante mis ojos, había tanta luz a su alrededor que quizá ella aún no lo sabía, pensé para mí.

A menudo le asaltaba una angustia incontrolable que salía de la nada, la ansiedad se le notaba a flor de piel, se dejaba derribar por sus dudas, en esos momentos deseaba tomarla entre mis brazos y transmitirle seguridad, pese a que en el fondo sabía que de nada serviría, SG no me permitiría a nadie desviarla de su propio camino a, sino más, además yo era simplemente un extraño que acaba de entrar en su vida.

A penas SG me concedió el permiso de caminar junto a ella, quise convertirme en su ángel guardián, en él salvaguarda de su existencia, de inmediato busqué mitigar su pesar, le brindé el apoyo que creía que necesitaba, entonces pase a ser su sombra socorriéndola de aquellos instantes oscuros donde sé que se perdía, pretendía a toda costa que viera la luz que ella misma emitía o solo tal vez únicamente yo lo encontraba ver.

Largas noches y los días, pase al lado de esa mujer, sin que nada cambiará, me sentía frustrado cuando insistía en auxiliarla en sus momentos de martirio y ella se alejaba de mí, hasta que por fin comprendí, la luz emitida por SG solamente ella la debía buscar, no podía interferir o alterar su vida por un capricho mío, me había cansado de buscar solucionarle sus conflictos existenciales, deploraba esa parte de mí que deseaba que ella fuera diferente, eso no era amar.

Al final advertí que había confundido el acto de cuidar con el controlar y perseguir, erradamente pensé y sentí que eso era una manera de demostrar mi afecto hacia ella, cuando en realidad a quien debía velar, proteger y espiar era a mi mismo.

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SG told me that she saw herself as incomplete, although I looked at her differently, she was totally complete, nothing was missing, she seemed perfect in my eyes, there was so much light around her that maybe she didn't know it yet, I thought to myself.

Often she was assaulted by an uncontrollable anguish that came out of nowhere, her anxiety was at the surface of her skin, she would let her doubts get the better of her, in those moments I wanted to take her in my arms and transmit her security, even though deep down I knew that it would be useless, SG would not allow anyone to divert it from its own path, besides I was just a stranger who had just entered her lif.

As soon as SG gave me the permission to walk with her, I wanted to become her guardian angel, in the safeguard of her existence, I immediately sought to mitigate her grief, I gave her the support I thought she needed, then I became her shadow, helping her in those moments of darkness where I know she was lost, I tried at all costs to make her see the light that she herself emitted or maybe only I was able to see it.

Long nights and days, spend at that woman's side, nothing will change. I felt frustrated when I insisted on helping her in her moments of martyrdom and she moved away from me, until I finally understood that only she should look for the light emitted by SG, I could not interfere or alter her life on a whim of mine, I was tired of trying to solve her existential conflicts, I deplored that part of me that wanted her to be different, that was not love.

In the end I realized that I had confused the act of caring with controlling and pursuing, I mistakenly thought and felt that this was a way to show my affection for her, when in reality the one I should be watching over, protecting and spying on was myself.

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Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

La imagen de la portada es una ilustración que pertenece a roveana@roveana quien autorizo su uso para esta publicación.

The cover image is an illustration that belongs to roveana@roveana who authorized its use for this publication

Solo fue una Confusion//Just a Confusion | Ecency