It is June 30th, 2019.
It is the last day of the month, and the last day of the 2nd quarter.
Before I go any further, I'll caution you that this is a fairly personal post... I often use writing as a sort of "therapy" and catharsis when I find myself in situations of extreme stress. Consider yourselves warned! Onwards...
Some sunsets are beautiful, but also blinding...
I find myself in a very turbulent — and potentially precarious — place, right now.
Before I go and try to get on with a day I am not sure what will hold, I am taking a brief time out to consider the opportunities and general feelings that surround both endings and beginnings.
I feel surrounded by endings, at the moment. It's funny how they often seem to arise in clusters... almost as if some Invisible Hand of the Universe decides that since you are suffering the pain of having one band-aid pulled off your arm, why not just pull three or four band-aids off your arm, all at once?
That's a metaphor, of course, but I hope you get my drift.
I find myself reminded of a prior time in my life, many many years ago.
Mrs. Denmarkguy No 1 and I were part of a small group of couples that were good friends and would regularly get together. Some of you may be old enough to remember the TV show "Thirtysomething." It was a bit like that.
We figured we'd all be friends for a very long time.
Luck. A symbol of luck. I could use some luck, among other things...
But here's my point about "multiple endings."
We were all a tight-knit group until Don and Diana announced that they were splitting up. Initially, the entire group was shocked by the way this would change the entire paradigm we'd all come to love and assume to be a solid part of our lives. And yet? Within less than two years, five of the six couples had divorced!
That is not meant as a commentary on the precariousness of marriage and relationships, just as a commentary on the way events — in this case endings — seem to cluster.
On a more personal level, the recent closing of our little shop seems like it was just one of a "cluster" of endings; but now that I have a moment to breathe, I am coming to see that all manners of related — and UN-related — "endings" are still happening, almost like I am standing in the middle of a collapsing house of cards.
For me, the primary challenge of beginnings is that I can't ever seem to get into anything until I have found a way to functionally, emotionally and otherwise process and let go of my "endings."
I have an unfortunate tendency to get stuck and become mired down in the emotional detritus that goes with finishing things.
My personal boat seems to have lost its compass...
And I recognize that there's a huge difference between simply being cognizant that you have an opportunity in front of you, and actually having the energy and wherewithall to seize it and run with it.
Which is a long-winded way of saying that I would love nothing more than to just sit down and stare at the wall for a while, but I just don't get to... and I find myself fearful of getting stuck, due to my own old patterns. But the world isn't going to stop, simply because I want to get off, for a while!
And I'm fresh out of answers, too. So if you were hoping for some sort of wisdom, advice or resolution to this story, I'm afraid I'm going to disappoint you.
At best, I can just stand up, put one foot in front of the other, and remember to breathe in, and breathe out.
Thanks for reading! I expect more posts like this will follow, as I try to chart a course, here. I'm not going to apologize for the changing nature of my blog... in fact, my original journey into blogging started with precisely these types of explorations.
Heave a great day!
Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!
(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for this platform.)
Created at 190630 09:35 PST
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