Reframing our Self-Perceptions: Things Aren't Always What They Seem!
For the longest time, I labored under the self-impression that I was a lazy human being. I was nether particularly ambitious, nor was I particularly hard-working. In today's generally "driven" environment, that surely had to mean that I was just lazy and unmotivated, right?
In truth, the whole "laziness" issue was much older than that.
It most likely started when I was about seven when my mother — for what felt like the 647th time — lambasted me for having such a messy room, and asked me the age-old question "What WRONG with you? Why can't you keep your room picked up?"
In a moment of exasperation — and, in part, because it seemed like it was true — I very sincerely responded "because I am LAZY, mother, that's why!"
I won't bore you with the extensive lecture I got about how "nobody" in our family was "lazy," but somehow a cornerstone of my developing psyche was laid, that day.
The whole incident might sound very harmless and innocent, but somehow it pursued me through life, and I have always remembered it, and I identified with it, for several decades.
In due course, I adopted the label "Creative Slacker" for myself, passing off everything from "fair" grades, to failing to get on sports teams, to not getting decent jobs on a "scapegoat" known as "laziness."
In the end, it was the current Mrs. Denmarkguy who called my bluff on it, some almost 20 years ago... because her perception was that I was anything BUT lazy.
But why do we tell ourselves these "stories," and then live by them?
The childhood "story" I chose to carry with me for the next almost 30 years had to do with the issues of "motivation" vs. "reward."
When I was a kid, there was no — according to how I experienced life — "reward" for keeping my room tidy. There was also no "reward" for getting good grades. The same held true even for the jobs I typically held... I would bust my butt at something, and it never seemed like the "reward" would be enough to even afford me a basic living, much of which was the result of my gravitating towards typically underpaid creative professions.
Much in the continuing ways of my mother, I was often surrounded by people who had "high expectations," on my behalf... and expected to personally benefit from what I was doing at my expense, while I felt like I got zero benefit from my efforts.
Accordingly, I was always able to legitimately say "why bother?" and langour in my self-perceived laziness... because if I didn't put out much effort, there wasn't much that could be taken away from me.
Overcoming old "roadblocks" like that is often a long and gradual process... because they can — ultimately — turn into "inner demons" that dominate your life. I still do battle with my "Inner Creative Slacker" from time to time, but I recognize that I am not a lazy person — far from it! — but I am just not motivated by jobs, tasks and people that "cost" a lot of effort, and offer very little in return. But it was a very familiar pattern in my childhood... and that made it "comfortable" in some sense... so I stuck with it, for many many years.
Thanks for reading, and have a great weekend!
How about YOU? Have you ever had to work through inaccurate self-perceptions? What were they? How did you move past them, to a healthier place? How did you learn them, in the first place? Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
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Created at 20220205 01:28 PST
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