Psychology: Addicted to "Suffering" and Changes of Perception

What are some of the "stories" we tell ourselves, about our lives and our reality?

Are they good stories; positive stories? Or are they negative stories; stories of finding fault, which in turn leaves us feeling like we are suffering in our lives?

Whereas I consider myself pretty much a realist, in terms of evaluating the ups and downs of the world, I'll be the first to admit that I have had my periods of living in a state of being mired down in my own pity parties.

Spring is happening!

Life IS Hard... But SO WHAT?

I ended up taking a sidetrack to write these words because Mrs. Denmarkguy recently came off a photo consultation with a client whose M.O. is that she is always "failing" and "falling short" in pretty much everything she does, and ever has tried to do.

Which is actually pretty silly, given that the person in question is actually very accomplished!

In spite of this, she seems to be eternally suffering because she perceives herself to be falling short of a set of expectations that probably aren't exactly realistic.

Part of what's unfortunate about that is that she ends up with very little joy in her life. Alas, I can relate!

Black Swallowtail on lavender

Positive Thinking, Yadda Yadda...

Now I'm absolutely not some kind of eternal Pollyanna, walking about looking for ways in which sincerely bad things are "positive."

However, I do recognize when someone gets into a pattern of toxic behavior, particularly one that involves a lot of negative self-talk. I also recognize how some people — like this particular person — like to go on "fishing expeditions" to uncover the negative aspects of a situation or outcome that is otherwise very positive!

Having "been there, myself," in a somewhat distant past, it's hard for me to be too hard on someone in this predicament, because it can be hard to change your thinking.

And — like it or not — some personality types actually do get "addicted" to feeling bad about themselves.

Peaceful forest path

Consider This:

There's an aptitude test for some kind of new department in the company where you work. The top ten of 25 applicants taking the test will be chosen.

You take the test, and your result is the 3rd highest among the test-takers.

Do you celebrate that you had a nice result and now are part of the new department (which you were really interested in), or do you sit around and get all depressed because your score was not the highest?

And then you may even go as far as to declare yourself "a failure" for not having done better! So now — even though you got what you wanted — you can go back to feeling bad about yourself.

Doesn't sound very sane, does it? And yet? Many people live in such a cycle.

Forsythia in bloom

Whose Voice Are You Listening To?

I was pretty hard on myself, back in my 20's.

What I was familiar with was parents who were very strict and perfectionistic, and for whom very few things were ever good enough.

As a young man, I felt little I did was good enough, even though my surrounding environment suggested I was doing just fine.

In time, I had to learn that the harsh "inner critic" telling me that I was failing was not actually my voice, but old echoes from a time that was no longer applicable.

Seems simple enough, I suppose... but the Human Psyche can be a very strange place. One of the things we do, is gravitate towards what feels familiar, even when that familiarity is negative self-talk. And that's what can look a bit like an "addiction."

Daffodils in our neighborhood

I Still Catch Myself...

Occasionally, I still catch myself getting angry for "failing" when I actually didn't do anything of the sort.

Thankfully, I have learned to step back and ask myself "OK, WHO exactly said that?" Most of the time, it wasn't "my" voice being critical.

Most recently, it happened when I "failed" at keeping my "Morning Musings" blog posts going every morning. And I had to step back and remind myself that I am just HAVING FUN writing on Hive! This is not life-or-death!

I'm just here to enjoy my writing, and perhaps to help build and maintain this community!

Thanks for reading, and stay safe out there!

Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!

(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for this platform.)
Created at 20200422 17:56 PDT
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