Remember when you were a kid and perhaps you did something slightly sketchy (or maybe you just did something your parents didn't approve of), and they insisted that you apologize.
And so you would be dragged out in front of whomever it was you allegedly had wronged, and your parents would sternly say "now apologize!"
I am sorry…
"No, that just won't do! Say it like you mean it!"
And so you'd muster something that somehow had to pass for sincerity, enthusiasm and forcefulness and say "I'm sorry" with a bit more effort.
All the while, you'd be thinking to yourself that you weren't actually very sorry at all because in most cases we thought we'd done nothing serious... and so weren't actually sorry.
And so, we end up with that mysterious thing that I can only think of as "the solicited apology." We speak the words but the sentiment behind it? Well, it's hardly much of anything.
Of course adulthood is a whole different kettle of fish, but we still have to deal with this issue of sincere apologies versus insincere apologies.
It's something that particularly comes up in relationships, but unfortunately sometimes it gets used as a manipulation tool rather than as a sincere expression of regret.
What am I talking about?
Maybe you do something that you do feel sincerely sorry about, and you apologize to the person in question, but they keep insisting that your apology doesn't feel sincere.
And no matter what you do your apology is never sincere enough for them to consider it an "acceptable" apology. As such, the situation becomes one in which one person gets locked up in a sort of "emotional jail," where the person receiving the apology is essentially the jailer holding the key.
And they get to be the judge and arbiter of your sincerity.
Is that truly a fair situation? And does it actually help resolve a problem if one person keeps holding out for an apology that is exactly the flavor they need it to be before forgiving some kind of transgression?
Manipulations are almost never "fair!"
And that leaves us with the question of who gets to decide what sincerity looks like, and whether others should have the power to tell us what we're feeling.
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Created at 2024-05-31 01:22 PDT
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