Love is so natural, and it comes with lots of energy and smiles. As I was running to my classroom through the corridor that morning, I was about to jump down the one-step staircase leading straight to my class, which is at the far end of the school building.
Then, I spotted a new student at the entrance of my class. I stopped walking immediately, slowed down, and gently moved towards the classroom as well. My heart beat faster and faster, and I couldn't control it; neither was I able to divert my attention elsewhere.
I felt like going to where he stood and hugging him, but I remembered that I'm a young lady full of self-esteem.
Honestly, I got distracted from my studies for a period of two years because of these emotional constraints. I was in Art Class while this new guy was in Science Class.
Since that day I met him, I feel like moving closer to him, talking with him, and playing with him. I would playfully go to his seat and try to make a joke so he could laugh.
I couldn't tell anyone how I felt about my actions. I tried to make it look like I was just being a playful girl, but I did that because of him.
I frequently went to his class during break, and over time, I made him my friend, although he doesn't seem to like talking with girls. Yet, I always found a way to chat a bit with him.
One of my classmates then noticed that I liked Damola. So, he called me one day and said, "Do you like Damola? I know you do because you always go to him anytime you come to our class."
I didn't agree with him, so I lied because my best friend Tonia is in their class, and my twin sister was also in the same class as Damola. I just told him that I was being friendly.
I became afraid of speaking up because, in my belief, I don't feel it's right for a girl to approach a guy she likes; it can reduce my value. Additionally, the fear of being rejected and mocked made me afraid to open up.
Gradually, I stopped going to the class every day. Instead of just playing around, I would go to their class to chat with my friends and twin sister while stealing glances at my "crush."
Sometimes, he would greet me, and I would use the opportunity to go to his side and chat with him.
Also, I would take mathematics classwork and assignments to him to help me out.
Even if I knew how to do it, I still wanted him to do it for me. The feelings became hurtful as time went on because he wasn't reciprocating.
One day, when I got home from school, I took a piece of paper, wrote his name on it, and made a wish that he would be my husband when I grew up.
I even tried different love tricks and games with his name and mine by spelling out my name and his, then connecting the similar letters together.
The number of letters you have gives an answer. By the time I counted, it was just 3, and when I checked the answer book, it was "marriage." I was so happy.
I dreamt about him and had a series of imaginations of us being together. All this while, I didn't know I was just crushing on a young, innocent boy.
The more I wish to move closer to him, the more he ignores me. So I thought, maybe Damola doesn't like me.
In fact, I get jealous anytime I see him speaking with another girl in class. It hurts me so badly. Sometimes, I cry because I've tried to show him how I feel, but he wasn't looking my way.
By the time we got to the final session, I withdrew my attention slowly from him because I wanted to focus on passing my senior WAEC. Before the exam commenced, I summoned the courage to tell my friend Tonia about my feelings for Damola. She was surprised that I hadn't told her all this while.
She said he might like me as well if I had told him earlier, but she mentioned that he recently started dating a girl in their class. She's fair and beautiful, gentle and quiet—everything any boy would wish to date. She must have caught his attention.
I realize that was when I withdrew my attention. It was very hurtful. I only said words to myself, talked to myself, and kept my pain for too long.
Well, my friend told me that if he had liked me back, he would have come close and not avoided me. She advised me to look for someone who likes me and befriend them instead. I took her advice; also, I wished I had told him, "I liked him." Maybe things would not have turned out like that.
I cried my eyes out. It hurts when your first love prefers someone else over you. My unsaid words caused me pain back then.
I learned to speak up from that day, no matter what the consequences might be, so I would not put myself in any emotional bondage again. I focused on working on myself.
A few years later, after secondary school, I chatted with Damola on Facebook and let out everything on my mind concerning my feelings for him from the first day. I told him I was not telling him so that he could date me, but for me to be free mentally.
I found out that I couldn't relate to another guy. I have many friends from my class and even other classes, including some seniors in my school, but I tell them I have a boyfriend. Smiles, an imaginary boyfriend.
However, he apologized and wished I were the one he was dating, but it seems that the girl and he have gone too deep to let each other go.
I wished him well in his relationship while I continued to heal. When I entered the second semester of my 200 level, I got a boyfriend for the first time and I totally forgot Damola, "my crush".
