As my legions of regular readers will know, I’m not one to boast, but when it comes to friendship, I must admit I am the Rolls-Royce of friends. Fiercely loyal, utterly dependable, and if I ever lie to

Leaving her hirsute husband Jim bidding farewell to their guests, June heads to bed in the honeymoon suite. As he slips into bed beside her, half-asleep June strokes Jim's smooth skin. Smooth? She bolts

"This coffee smells like almonds," her husband remarked. "Must be the almond cookies dear," she replied. She’d been diligently collecting and crushing apple pips for years. Suddenly,

All in all, I can’t say 2025 was too bad a year. True I lost three chickens, two to the fox and one to a pallet, plus the door handle fell off my fridge, but I managed not to lose either my patience or

As I accompanied my four pooches and their suitor (the big black hound) this morning on their daily constitutional, six small planes were criss-crossing overhead, leaving vapour trails behind them (yeah,

From the bus, the teacher spotted Jim, late again. Despite daily caning, he’d failed to improve or offer an excuse for his constant lateness. Jim was pushing a tiny wheelchair-bound child through the

Is there a right time to swear? Why certainly. Whenever you’re in Ireland, for a start. When you stub your toe: effin’ chair leg! When you miss the bus, despite running like an Olympic hopeful: fucking

Not having much to do yesterday—because bah humbug, we don’t do Christmas—we finally started loading singles into my Wurlitzer jukebox. Singles, for those born this century, are little circular vinyl yokes

Winter Solstice at Knockroe Tombs, Kilkenny

I’m driven. I always have been. Perhaps it’s the result of growing up as the only competent person in a family of nutters, but when I see something to be done, no matter how difficult, I’m compelled to

For a while, I lived with a guy from Moldova who made the best food I’ve ever tasted. He was a tough-looking fella, tattooed head to toe, with the face of an angel—after I paid for some plastic surgery

What do you do when life gives you apples? Why, you make apple crumble, of course. This morning, as I wandered aimlessly with my four intrepid hounds, I accidentally stumbled across a carpet of windfall

My father died with dementia, but since I can stand on one leg for as long as it takes to explain to a socialist why taxation is theft, I have no worries on that score. Studies show a correlation between

The climb to Lovers’ Leap was steep for the star-crossed couple, their union forbidden by feuding clans. At the cliff’s edge they laid some of their clothing, the sea raging below. Then hand in hand, they

There was an abattoir in the lane behind the house where I grew up. We local kids were convinced that one of the men who worked there—who looked uncannily like Vincent Price and hauled carcasses to waiting

I can’t think of a single thing I miss about childhood. Not my elephant ears, not the clown costumes my mother stitched together while half-cut, not her turning up drunk at my classroom door, nor the bullying,

"If this man approaches you" warned the TV news, as Jen made tea, "keep engagement to a minimum and call the police." The photo on screen showed her guest, the man sitting in her parlour,

Remembrance of Things Past,

It's a Trekkie thing!

In all things, I’m a fastidious creature. I like everything in its place and the po on the dresser. In a world where near enough is considered good enough, I maintain that precision is not pedantry, and