Alas, I am an anachronism, most of my skills far better suited to the 20th century. There was a time when I was an expert leader of men, a master forger, and the country’s foremost legal-title reconstruction guru. But technology and the tides of time have swept my talents into irrelevance.
Back in the days when global warming was still called summer, and the only mobile phones were aboard the Starship Enterprise, I commanded a merry band of fifty-two loyal, industrious souls, using only carrots and no sticks.
While other managers bemoaned their malingering staff, I could smugly boast of my hardworking, indefatigable crew. No sick days, no slacking, no moaning. They were content, productive, and generously rewarded with pay above the going rate, Christmas parties in five-star hotels abroad, ferried to and from the airport by helicopter or stretch limo.
Money was no object when it came to my staff.
But today? I’d be utterly lost. How do you lead a team who are hypnotised by their phones? I’d have to ban mobiles in the workplace or resort to some other authoritarian bullshit.
Just last week I watched one of the workmen who was fixing my roof, climb halfway up a ladder with a bucket of cement, stop, take out his phone and scroll for several minutes,before contunuing on his way. I kid you not! How do you get anyone to work these days?
As for reconstructing land titles, that’s been computerised into oblivion. And forgery? Forget it. I was once a dab hand at tweaking the odd document. Birth cert says you’re 20 but you need to be 21? Applying for a loan and need a utility bill in your name but still living with mammy? I"m your man! But now I am a was. Computerisation has put paid to that sort of shenanigans.
So here I stand, a creature of the 20th century, bobbing about helpless and skilless in the sea of madness that is the 21st century.
What I really need now is expertise in building a time machine.
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Posted in response to galenkp's weekend experience
prompt asking: What are you an expert in (or think you are an expert in?)
The images are mine
