That moment you have to said I am sorry first even though you was the one being hurt.
Some times, your house can be quiet, I mean too quiet. You know that kind of quiet after a fight? Where nobody is talking, children are tip-toeing, plates are not clattering, and even the TV is scared to make noise.
You and your husband had quarreled the night before. Nothing big, just money matter, as usual. Maybe he said something harsh and you replied with something harsher. He slept facing the wall and you slept facing the door.
In the morning, you woke up first and your pride said, don't talk to him, let him come and apologize first because he started it.
But another softer voice said, if you want peace in this house, somebody has to be mature. Let that somebody be you.
That is the hardest job of being a woman at home, you are the thermometer of the house which you have to always remember. When you are cold, everybody catches cold. When you are warm, everybody feels warm.
Always know that peace in the home does not fall from heaven. Somebody must build it with forgiveness and love.
Be the peacemaker, go to the kitchen and made his favorite food and served it while it is still hot or maybe carried it to where he was sitting pressing his phone.
Call him by his pet name and invite him to come and eat. And don't forget to say that you are sorry for how you spoke to him last night. Say, I was hurt, but I should not have spoken to you like that.
You are doing this not to win the argument but to win your home.
By doing so, sit back and watch him take the whole blame and apologize, it is me that should be sorry. I was stressed from work and I transferred it to you. Forgive me too.
Just like that, peace returned.
The children came out from their corner and started laughing again. The house started breathing again.
Sisters, let me be real with you:
There are moments in your home when forgiveness is not about who is right or wrong. It is about who wants restoration more.
You can be right and still lose your home.
You can win the argument and lose the atmosphere.
I have had moments when I forgave my wife not because she deserved it, but because I wanted to sleep well. Bitterness is too heavy to carry to bed every night. It gives you headache, it makes your face swell, it makes you age faster than your age mates.
I have had moments when I called my teenage daughter and said, come, I shouted at you moment ago, that was not fair. I am your father, but I am also human. I am still learning too. And I saw tears in her eyes, not because I beat her, but because I humbled myself. That particular moment restored me and my daughter.
If you want peace as a woman in your home, you must learn these secrets I learned in a hard ways.
Do not keep score.
Stop writing list of on when and when each offenses each other, if you keep score, you will never have peace. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Please tear that mental notebook.Restore with action and not just with words.
Don't just say I forgive you and still serve his food like you are serving a prisoner. Restore with kindness. Cook his favorite. Iron his shirt. Call him sweet name again. Peace needs action to stay.Forgive before you feel like it.
Don't wait to feel forgiveness. Do it as an action. Say it first. The feeling will follow later. I have forgiven many times while still crying. The tears dried after.
My home is not perfect, we still quarrel, we still offend each other and sometimes I still say leave me alone. But we have learned how to come back quickly which is the min thing.
Because we understood that the devil does not need to scatter our marriage with one big bomb. He only needs small, unforgiven offenses to pile up every day until there is no space for love again.
So today, be the one to forgive first.
Be the one to say sorry first.
Be the one to break the silence.
Be the one to bring peace back.
Not because you are weak. But because you are wise. The Bible says, a wise woman builds her house. She does not build it with cement, she builds it with forgiveness, with peace, with restoration.