Life is treating us really well if you ask me. I'm not a motivation speaker, I don't usually "try to be" positive. Whenever I have a chance, I will rant al I can regardless of the circumstances. Ever since my medical episodes, I've learned to appreciate every opportunity came and go. There will be things that we do not want to miss, it went miss it somehow, which sometimes can be a good thing. There's people we do not wish to lose, but we lose them anyway, but thinking of them suffer less, that alone actually brought me relief.
The weather recently are pretty bad. The less rain occur, the more these idiots burn trees. I used to rant a lot about the haze, but hey, at least it made a good faded view. I'm not particularly giving too much shit about what I breathe in. It's not like if I stay home I don't need to smell those smoke. Before I blame it to my neighboring country the Indonesia, I shall look behind our backyard where our local idiots also burning their rubbish. It all felt like, since others are burning stuff, why don't we burn some too, so we don't lose out.
I remember, washing car and raining seems to go hand in hand. I used do a car wash, ad the next thing happen is down pouring, making the car dirty again. Since the weather is so dangerously dry and hot, why not give it a quick wash, see if the sky decided to make my car dirty again. To my surprise, there's no surprise that it rain again, even if it's just a 5 minutes short burst, that's enough to make my car looks like just got out from the cemetery. No sweat, I send the car for another wash again, now that I have a 5 minutes rain already, it felt slightly better.
My cousin wasn't feeling too well sme half a year ago. The hospital took some blood sample and diagnosed him with low blood volume. I'm my heart, I already expecting something not too right. We don't lose blood just like that. It's either our system stop producing, or the white blood cell is fighting some mutation. He was in and out of the hospital for half a year without reasons, and the hospital keep telling him it's normal, until that day they decided to check the bone marrow, and it was confirmed leukaemia. Before the family can make a decision on treatment, he was fast asleep and headed home to see his father in heaven.
Am I sad? A little. He was my big brother, other than my own biological brother. But thinking of how the cancer already eating him alive, I'd hate to see him suffer any longer. Who gets the bad news in the morning, and he's relieved from his duty on earth in the afternoon? I took a drive up north to pay him a last respect. He body was there lying down peacefully. No I don't see his dead body smile. I have a clear idea of "he's not there anymore". I don't feel his presence like those spiritual experience, I am merely having the feeling of going through some old books that I have all the knowledge in my brain. I don't need to read those dusty books anymore. Oh one last weird thing was, after the wake, on my way back home, I started the Google maps looking for best route home, and it suggested me I need to drive 1 day and 22 hours before I can reach home. Not sure what's that supposed to mean, but I arrived home with no drama , in about 2 hours.
On top of all that, my blood pressure seems getting back to normal. My doctor appointment is coming week, I was wondering if my numbers look this good, what else the doctor is going to suggest to my treatment. But thinking of tomorrow going back to the office, I wonder if I can still keep that number this low π
