I was in a real good mood overall, I was even optimistic and hoping for the best. I had really high hopes... And thats what sucks, that disappointment hits hard.
Suddenly I remembered why the hell I always lean to the negative side... Not quite pessimistic but, you know, I kinda stopped expecting good things or getting excited a long time ago.
Anyways I was really looking forward to things getting better, because I do believe I deserve nice things, but its like the instant I slightly doubt it all collapses.
I'm angry at myself, and not gonna lie, I was avoiding thinking too much because I knew depression was around the corner and now Im just a lump of flesh lying in a corner.
Now I feel very uninspired, i dont feel motivated at all, and Im trying to collect myself, put my crap together and move on.
Im tired of pretending I am okay, I'm not. So I decided to go to the shrink again because I am aware I cant handle things by myself right now.
I have been so disconnected that I was actually surprised today, April's first, I even had enough funds to do my power up. So I did, and I am happy about it. It really does make me feel less crappy.
I am very happy Hive is part of my life and I get to have this little joy today.
Thank you if you dropped by. Pic is mine (and completely unrelated, except it reflects my mood somehow).
