In honor of October being Infant Loss Awareness Month, I would like to dedicate this post to our son that we lost last November due to miscarriage...
To our precious baby boy Elijah, our first son...
Since the age of 7, I dreamed of being a boy mom, and despite never discovering your gender during your pregnancy, I never once doubted that you were a boy.
Finding out that you no longer had a heartbeat, and that you had been gone for nearly a month while we were still thinking we were talking to you... I still have no words for that situation. Then to give birth to you, hold you in the palm of my hand, and find out that yes, you were a boy after all...
I felt incredibly alone while coping with losing you, even while having our family around me. On the days where I felt like I was doing good, I would still find my thoughts preoccupied with you; especially the what could have beens of your life...
And yet, you have brought me closer to God 💛 Your loss made me realize that I need God in my life -- He is the only One who can carry me through the unimaginable. You completely changed me as a person, and especially as a mother -- I recognize how important it is to see your sisters as the gifts that they are.
Today, I am beyond blessed to be pregnant with your baby brother 🙏 God gave me the name Elliot, a variation of your name, so that I will carry you both for the rest of my life ❤️ But also, it is a reminder of how great our Father is. I give glory to Him for allowing me to be your mother every day, and I am eternally grateful to you for helping me find God 💛