Definition is so important. It is so important to define things or subjects accurately and recognize that because when we define things accurately, we'll start believing things actually.
Right believing equals right living - Joseph Prince
Before today's blog post, here are my earlier post on the "forgiveness" topic to put things into perspective and be on the same train of thoughts:
How to Handle Offense
Being the Bigger Man
And now on to today's post about "Handling Abuse"
........ first off.... DEFINITION!
Reconciliation by definition in the dictionary:
the restoration of friendly relations.
When it comes to forgiveness, there is a common misunderstanding of what it means. Forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation.
It doesn't mean that when you forgive someone for a particular action or whatever offended you or hurt you, that you have to be friends or close with that person again. Don't get me wrong. I love staying connected with people but what if that person doesn't wanna be connected with you anymore? You don't get a choice do you? (We'll come back to this thought later.)
Forgiveness is an inside job of 1 person which is yourself!
Only you can decide to forgive someone or hold the offense. Nobody can do this on your behalf.
Reconciliation on the other hand is an inside job of 2 people. Reconciliation takes humility of 2 people and 2 people choosing forgiveness. Of which takes a lot of work, time, love... in other words, commitment. If only 1 person decides to be committed to this and the other person doesn't, reconciliation is not gonna happen no matter how much you wish for it to happen.
Here's a practical guide to handle abuse. If you're in an abusive relationship, here's how you can handle it. If you're afraid (I'll write on that soon as well), pray for courage and wisdom. You'll find that every single point in here is easier said than done. But take courage. Be assured that you can do it and if you choose not to just do it but BE a person like such, you're really a powerful and wholesome person!
So anyways...............
Sometimes I don't even know that I offended someone (because offense is subjective) but I just say I'm sorry first. I mean if you know you're not wrong or you didn't mean to hurt somebody then whats the harm of saying sorry?
When you say you're sorry, what you're actually saying is, "I value this relationship". The following steps will put things into better light and understanding. Let's move on.
Tell the person that as much as you might have said or done something to hurt the person, what that person did, hurt you as well. Let's ALL take responsibility for OUR OWN actions eh?
I did say sorry and I'll learn to handle my words and actions better coz I know it hurt you and now I'm asking you whether you would do likewise.
Now after this, things could go 2 ways, one is the person refuses and says he/she did not do anything wrong and you feeling hurt is just your own feelings.
This person is discrediting your feelings and doesn't consider you of which you can kindly acknowledge that person's choice and then you know this is person is someone you do not want to be close with in the sense of the dictionary definition of "reconciliation", which is the restoration of friendly relations.
Set boundaries!
The better scenario is that he/she says sorry as well. You make up and forgive each other and wa-la, reconciliation is automatically in effect.
HOWEVER!!!!!!!!
I must warn you that the above could happen again if both of you don't have a game plan. Talk about how the situation that caused this all to happen. If similar words or actions are gonna take place in a particular heated situation or disagreement or argument in the future, what should we do in order to not make things worse.
Now doesn't that sound mature?.... DAMN MATURE BABE!
Have a Game Plan!
Yes there is! Avoid number 1-3 and and any form of relationship and just be a miserable fart all the days of your life. Because if there is no relationship, there is no intimacy. And if there is no intimacy then there is no chance of getting hurt. See I can be "smart" as well.
IMMATURE MUCH!
Well relationships that matter to you as much might not matter to another as much. The only way to find out is through time of which friction, disagreements, hardships, difficulty, the list goes on, takes place.
Is it painful to find out that you don't matter? Of course. But I wanna encourage you especially if you're currently in a situation like such or have been in a situation like such, you don't have to be defined by your pain. You don't have to be dictated by a bad relationship.
Your story may not have such a happy beginning but that does not make you who you are, it is the rest of it- who you choose to be - Soothsayer, KungFu Panda 2
What is important is that YOU did your part. YOU were responsible. YOU treasured relationship. YOU forgave. And for THAT, nobody can take that away from you. That will be in your history. That you are a forgiving person and that you treasure relationships.
Imagine 2 people in a relationship like that. BOOM!
Now imagine a whole community of people like that. A community of wholesome and powerful people!
BE THAT PERSON FIRST!
I wanted to end the blog at that last punchline but here's a little more thoughts to tie up the earlier part of my post which might have left you feeling a little on a limbo.....
While being empathetic, the thought I really wanna bring here is that an abusive person CAN change.
I wanna say that an abusive person is only abusive because he/she was probably abused as well. They have never experienced love or any affection from people close to them before.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that there aren't a--h---s around town. I'm saying that sometimes, if you stick around long enough, and continuously choose love, even that environment and relationship CAN change.
You'll be surprise at how some of the most loving and forgiving and kind people that are out there were once jerks.
Situations, relationship, environments, cultures, even nations will change if more choose to love. YOU CAN AFFECT CHANGE!
Love covers over a multitude of sins. - Simeon, 1st Letter of The Small Rock
There... now I'm done 😃 Have a good week Steemians!
