I've had better weeks, and I've had worse weeks. But it was definitely a forgettable week overall. There were pockets of fun enough moments, and the weekend is ending fairly strong, but yeah just fairly rough as a whole.
I'm stressed to the max, and half of the problems aren't even problems in reality. I've got what feels like dozens of almost problems that I am constantly hoping to avoid. What else is new.
I'm getting older and it's really freaking me out a bit, for the most part until recently I've never really had much of a concrete vision for myself. I'm deeply unsatisfied with where I'm at at this point in time. I'm just going to try and be one track minded and just screw extra thought, extra fat, and what ifs. I simply don't have time to be frozen with fear. The math ain't mathing with this pace I'm on. With how stressed and worried I get on a nearly daily basis, I can't imagine how I'll cope with regret at 60+ years old any better.
I don't know man, but all I can do is try. I guess this feeling is 50 percent fear, stress and worry, and 50 percent adrenaline, excitement and motivation to keep pushing. It simply equals nausea if I'm being honest. It's like for the first time in my life I kinda know what I want, kinda can envision it, and if I squint I can almost see a pathway to accomplish some of my goals....
Maybe this feeling is just simply pressure. Life feels like a constant state of burnout but you just must keep pushing. It's a weird feeling that is pushing me forward because it's like, logically I literally have to and as difficult as it is the potential and hopeful rewards feel great and certain. But also, it scares me and worries me how much it feels like I'm hanging by a thread while walking on thin ice. It's like if one substantial mistake or setback happens, everything crumbles, but if things can remain the same for the most part and I can keep pushing, circumstances can also change in a positive way soon. I just feel like I'm juggling responsibilities, goals, and time all at once.
Weird rant over, here is a photo dump from the past few days.
Hauntological.
Decent day with my son. Took a walk, played some basketball, played at the park. Had a rare McDonald's trip. Happy Meal + a PLAIN double bacon cheeseburger for him. 2 for 6 deal for me. Big Mac + ten piece nugget. Surprisingly decent deal. Had a points from Wawa to get a free soda. Rough week, ending ok enough.
