Do you always give your opinions about anything and everything you see? Do you freely speak your minds or do you hold barges with your words?
Have you ever experienced unsolicited advices from people? If you're a Filipino like me, then you must have experienced it. And it must have been an awfully awkward situation. You must have an older sister or aunt that has something to say about you.
I have a fair collection of unsolicited advices given to me in my lifetime by my mom, siblings, extended family members, peers and even strangers I met on the streets. And because of these advices I have suffered inferiority complex throughout my childhood and teenage years.
Mostly the advices would be directed on how I look. I always been on the heavy side since birth and I've struggled weight lose ever since I could remember. When I was in highschool I even developed anorexia and bulimia at the same time where I would starve myself and only eat in front of my family that I would also secretly barf after. The constant comment on how I look bothered me so much. When we have family gatherings my mom would discuss with my aunts how much I weight I am gaining and they would give me advices on how to lose weight. Late we found out that it was because of hormones and I just have low metabolism. And I wasn't really fat then, my BMI was on track.
When I was in college I lost so much weight that I dropped from 56 kilos to 45 kilos in four months. And by that time the ridicules from family members from what a pig I am to how sickly I look.
Though the issue wasn't isolated from my weight; back then I also suffered from acne. A lot of acne on my face and back. And again family members and even strangers on the streets gave me unsolicited advices. Which fairly causes me anxiety. They were not only judging my physical appearance but also my hygiene. I have OCD and changes my pillow cases and blankets thrice a week! The pimples are hormonal and are from allergies.
And now that I have surpassed the weight and acne issues, this time it's about my financial security and marital status. I am nearing my 30th birthday and my ever so loving aunts kept nagging me when I would marry because an old maid is not good in the eyes of the society.
Unsolicited advices are never good. And often causes trauma and anxiety to the receiver.
Advices could be given out of pure good will. The need to be a great help to others. Or maybe wanting to start a friendship. But there also advices given out of spite. And most of the time advices causes stress more than the intended help.
The right time to give advice is only when the receiver asked for it. Give advice if and only the receiver wanted it. Give advice when the receiver gave consent for it.
You could have opinions have certain things but you need to hold your tongue until the right time. Give your advices at the perfect time, you should know the timing of your words.
Always know the background of things before giving advices. You should know the story behind everything before opening your mouth. Remember there are two sides of every coin. And what you are seeing might be half of the story.
What I learned through years of unsolicited advices is that you need to filter what you hear. There are things that you should let pass through your ears as noise. You should not let everything you hear be personal. Advices are just words unless you let it affect you.
