Losing it all. This is one thought that scares most people. What if one day you realize you're on the verge of losing your business, your marriage, your parents, your lover, your dreams, your child, your money, your everything? You sit still and the ground underneath you looks like a black hole ready to chew you up and spit you out. All you used to think you had is worthless. I think that a lot of people feel like this right now, only that the added pressure made it even more obvious.
What is this life all about? One might ask themselves just that when the final strands of a fragile rope seem to be the best option. To hold on to. One might question their entire life up until that point only to ruminate about it: what decisions brought me here and why didn't I do things differently? What if you're just like Tolstoi's hero on his death bed asking himself:
"What if I really have been wrong in the way I’ve lived my whole life?”(Ivan Ilyich in The Death of Ivan Ilyich)
This is a question we should not wait upon death until we get the answer. I often visualise a virtual clock over each of our heads, never stoping, always ticking, always pushing us towards older age. Towards death. Although there should not be pressure because we do not control time, there should be questions. If you are alone, bitter, clinging to the past and never making changes about yourself, shouldn't you search for the real reason of your misery? If you are old, grumpy, sad and the only thing you're in love with is your ego and the way you control people with it, shouldn't you look behind? Behind all of the wasted years when you could have done something better with your life? Most important, why are you not planing for the future?
Shouldn't we all look up and see how the clock is always ticking? Tic tac, tic tac. Your life is dripping through moments and decisions. We can't know what we could have done. It is over, it's in the past. The only thing we can look at is the very black hole underneath us, urging us to take a look. In the toughest moments, some look at this hole as being their grave or their treasure. Some never dig because in their mind they have already failed. Some never give up and stand proud every after defeat. Where some see just failure and bad decisions, some see oportunity. The experience we acquire is never lost. What do we really own besides ourself? If everything burns down in flames one should be glad to still have the best thing in the world: themselves. We might have to lose it all before we can ask: what did I really had in the first place?
This is my latest article from my personal blog
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