Certainty. Everybody is biased to look for it and then cling to it. But even it if sounds like a clichè, change is the only sure thing in life.
As I decided that my experience as an artist must continue , but not in Denmark, I also realized how much I have grown and changed in the last months due to the fact that I dared to assume risks and prove the naysayers wrong. I feel good to come back to my country, I have a feeling of inner peace hard to explain.
I have learned that I can be brave. That I can have amazing amount of strenght and power when I am faced with adversity. I have learned to love myself more and to stop believing in everything that people say. People say more things with what they do. Words, especially sweet ones, can only be dust in your eyes. I have learned to not be so naïve anymore and check what people do rather than what they say.
I have learned that my heart has a surprising way of continuing to heal, even when I lost the hope. I have learned to trust people when I am in need and I made 2 wonderful friends in Denmark that I will forever remember, especialy Rico who was kind enough to host me and treated me with respect and understanding. I even borrowed his treasured stuffed childhood toys to sleep with. Hugsy and Prince.
I am more in contact with my inner child. I paused while being caught in what I call life's happenings and realized how low my standards were for a guy. How wounded I was.I accepted/'ve given bad behaviour and was cheated on and bullied . Because I did not know my worth. I kept allowing people to come back and hurt my soul again and lie to me because I continued to hope that my love is seen. I was naïve. I am glad that the trip to Denmark managed to toughen me up while also helping me see that I still have a kind soul inside. That I can be loving, romantic, goofy while also direct, calling bullshit when I sniff it. I have changed as a woman, as a person and gained more confidence in myself, realizing that I am actually a beautiful human worthy of love , respect and appreciation. For me it was a tough journey to accept that I was not loved, that I was a rebound for most of my previous partners and that simply all of my good deeds were mocked and overlooked. Now I realize that when you love yourself you realize that you should not compete with exes or with egos or with other petty things. When you love yourself you stop having a seat at a table where love is never served. I learned this in Denmark as the Universe gave me the necessary situations to see people and their true colors. Behind words. Behind screens.
I have learned about the value of quality friendships. I am grateful that I kept few close friendships and that I have someone to cry with or tell my sorrows. I am no longer sad because I do not have 10 or 20 friends. I am happy and blessed for having few and really good spiritual ones.
I have learned to appreciate life as it happens and be grateful for my beauty, wits, talents and health. I understand now that everything is changing constantly and that the best thing for my soul is to be in places where I feel that I grow, that I am loved and where I feel peace.
I learned to love the sea and the salty smell of seaweed.
The sun rising at 5 in the morning.
The birds chirping and singing to me on my way to work.
The smell of cinnamon rolls in the train station.
The strong wind blowing into my face, making me feel more alive than ever.
I learned to love life. As it happens to me.
Thank you Denmark. Parts of me died in here. Parts of me got reborn.
Welcome Romania. I missed you and I think I gained a new sense of love for you. I am eager to explore more than ever.
To be continued....
