Sometimes I wonder if my inner-self does not see the weight of the good things I do and is blind to them when they are done, that it doesn't shout it and ring it in my heart, mind or whatever that "oh girl! You are amazing". Just a soft whisper does it all and it doesn't go for a long time not until I do something bad or say something bad and only then do I realize how noisy she can be.
So noisy that a minute will not pass by for her to remind me what I just did wrong and the effect of what it will have and then the whole scene and drama will all start playing again in my head as if someone was with a remote control replaying and pausing at the spot I made the mistake, rewind it and replay but this time at a slow pace of -x2.
Until I get to seek peace, I'm never gonna be at peace and that's who my inner-self is. The only critic self that will bring my wrongdoings to my face with no remorse for however I feel.
The funniest thing is how I end up blaming myself when the critic starts and I was able to realize that I had committed an error and infact if it was an utterance I made to someone, I might be close to slapping myself with the way those scolding words will keep coming to my mind and replaying in my head. All I'll keep hearing is "No! what you just said is bad" "Why did you act peevish just now" and every other sharp words that will reset whatever mood I was in even if I was the one who was right.
I would say if my inner critic was a person, she would be such a sweet-strict person but with the strict carrying the most part anyways. She wouldn't allow me hurt others and would guide me in my relationship with everyone around me just like an African mother. Even as she is inside of me, I love what she does because I could have been worse in treating people right if she had not been there to stop, correct and scold me.
I'll be dropping my 🖊️ here on the Ladiesofhive community prompt
Thanks for reading through 🤗
All images are Mine