The majority of my philosophy and psychology topics revolve around the concepts of letting go of things that we are afraid to lose or cling to out of fear of the unknown. One thing that I draw a lot of allusions to and rarely mention directly is that we must also let go of ourselves. I was reading an awesome post from my friend 
To be honest, the first time I heard anyone refer to the concept of letting go of the self it made no sense to me. I struggled with that concept for a long time and didn't really know how to take it. What part of myself do I have to let go of? Slowly over time I started working through each of my issues one by one and if you can scroll back far enough in my blog, you can read my notes and thoughts on those processes at the time. At some point it became clear that all of the defining issues I had with myself are actually what I was letting go of. The self as a thought form does not exist and we can all learn to let go of it.
When I say the self as a thought form does not exist, I can't dictate or control anyone else's understanding of what I mean anymore than they can control mine. The point is that our thoughts and perspectives of anyone or ourselves are just limiting constraints that we place on existence. I suggest thinking about it this way: If I were holding two pieces of fruit behind my back and told you that they are both fruit and you can have one, but you must pick without looking at it, then your only expectation is that I have two pieces of fruit. Whichever you choose, I bring both of my hands forward and in one hand I have an apple and in the other a banana. Immediately you would compare your choice versus the other and feel that you had either made a good or bad choice based on your preference. We all do this as it's part of human nature. If I only revealed your choice, it would be compared against the unknown and it could always be inferior or superior based on your level of comfort with the unknown and things outside of your control.
The problem is that everything exists relative to everything else, ourselves included, and the mindset that most of us have is to constantly be in a judging state of comparing what we have or do as opposed to the way that everyone else does something or what they have. This mindset is competitive in nature and what we find at some point is that someone is always more powerful, has more, or does things in a more preferable way, but living like that is madness. We exist relative to everyone and everything else, if they weren't the way they are then we wouldn't be the way we are and vice versa. If we can grasp that concept that existence is relative, then it becomes clear what we must change if we are unhappy.
We must change ourselves. All of the things we don't like about ourselves and all of the reasons we convince ourselves that things are not possible will then promptly meet us for a discussion about how drastically unprepared we are for this undertaking. You can't change yourself anymore than you can anyone else, but not for the reasons that we probably think initially. All of those thoughts that we have about ourselves and the judgments we place on ourselves are not us, and from this point many people classify those thoughts as ego thoughts. At some point though it becomes clear that the voice in our head isn't actually us. That's not the self any more than a fingernail or hair on your leg. We can call it an ego if that makes it easier to understand, but it's just a part of the whole.
The undefined self is the observer. The person listening to that voice in your head. Once we fully grasp that any thought we have of ourselves or anyone else is all relative and subjective, we can realize that defining ourselves or others is a part of the human condition and a limiting behavior in and of itself. We can struggle against that and get lost in the game that we call life and compete with all of the others, but in the grand scheme of things that is all really irrelevant as it's basically a scripted narrative from the view of the observer. The undefined self has no need to judge anything and it can love completely as it appreciates it's own self and respects the other. There is no competition to exist as we all exist. Our differences are just the contrast that give everything definition and meaning. Namaste.