Pickles and the Barbecued Pit Viper

I have never fully understood why we name our cars, but it is nevertheless a long-standing tradition, that every vehicle must have a name.

y current car, the "Pinkly Taurus" was aptly named based entirely off a humorous skit from the Bob & Tom Show, about Ed Pinkley, the owner of Pinkley Motors – Home of Pinkley Jeep, Pinkley Volvo and their most popular model, the Pinkley Taurus. After all, who wouldn't love a Pinkley Taurus. The car was already four years old, and I had only recently got it back after a theft involving a beautiful girl, two back flips, a failed karate chop and a three state chase. If you are unfamiliar with The Bob & Tom Show, here's the skit:

I had just started my new job working at a Dodge dealership. I was the porter, which is just a fancy term for the guy who goes out to the lot, grabs a car scheduled for a tune-up, and drive it into the garage to the assigned mechanic. I even had a fancy clicker which allowed me to open and close the automatic door opener. It was a great job that did not really require any specific talent other than an ability to drive a car.

Up to that date, the fastest car I had ever had the luxury of driving was a Dodge Stealth -- which was actually a nice car, with plenty of get-up-and-go.

Unfortunately, my job was to drive the cars and I was never informed of why they were in for service, what was wrong with them, or any other pertinent details that would otherwise be considered as "common sense".

It was almost the end of the day, and I needed to bring one last car in for the night, because this particular vehicle could not be left out on the lot overnight. With only ten minutes left in the work day, I ran out with the keys, to the third row, and there hiding behind a full-sized pickup, was a 1998 Dodge Viper. It was a red convertible and it had to be brought inside because it belonged to the owner and he did not want it left out for vandals to breathe on.

My knees started shaking because this was to be an exotic short trip through the lot -- the long way around -- and finally into the garage. As I got closer, I pulled the keys out of my pocket, a quick flip of the wrist turned off the car's alarm and I slid into the driver's seat of this beautiful sports car.

Taking in every look and feel that the car had to offer, I slowly slid the key into the ignition, pressed in the clutch and listened to the ten-cylinder engine come to life.

It was music to my ears

I was so engrossed by the opportunity to drive this magnificent car, that I had forgotten something very important back in the shop. I forgot my door clicker and so I stopped the car, put on the e-brake and ran inside to get my clicker and open the door.

It only took a few minutes, but what I was not told about the car, was that it was actually there to have a fuel line replaced -- a fuel line that was leaking and spraying highly combustible fuel all over the exhaust manifold. And, having taken the long way back to the shop, ensured that the engine was already warm.

I opened the door to the garage, and as it was the end of the shift, half of the mechanics were just standing around. Their gaze immediately went to the seventy thousand dollar sports car and the billow of smoke that had begun emerging from under the hood.

I ran for the fire extinguisher, but it was already too late, the once beautiful sports car was engulfed in flames. The owner had dashed through the shop as word spread to the front office, and I was pulled away from the car as the fire consumed it.

I joined him on the back of that old flatbed as we watched an exotic sports car be reduced to a pile of rubber and steel. As the sun set, the barbecued pit viper was eventually put out by a swarm of fire trucks. To this day, I still never knew the name of the car whose life ended so tragically.

It was just one, of the many difficult and sticky situations I got into, which led up to my name sake as Pickles. Over the next year, Dan and I got into more predicaments than most people go through their entire life. Stay tuned for the next crazy adventure of Pickles.