Everything seems calm, something in my gut asks me to keep my eyes closed because the fact of opening them is the risk that your lips consume me like a black hole. I saw them in my mind, vanishing and it was then that I realized that i was looking for your lips in other lips, your kisses in other kisses and i was the victim of a wreck in discontent that made me a fugitive from my own body.
Sometimes I look up at the sky and the stars crash against the cold clouds, and i wonder where they are going and i pray silently that you are not so fleeting. When we go to bed in the middle of the street i can not help having that feeling, that tomorrow you will go and the gravity will go out and we will all meet in a place similar to the holocaust inside the mouth of a dwarf ready to be devoured.
This is brief and I still remember the morning you called me without having anything to say, and that morning we were no longer friends, that morning i wanted something with you. You drove two hours to be with me. I think about this bed that looks like a grave thinking if something you told me was true, who taught you to spit bullets and bury me bloody to reality?
That i will never be able to have for me without you going with someone else, i look like a taxi driver cranky in the loving way of others. I have not stopped crying, my dad has become drunk again and the liquid makes him say things he said he would never say, but they are true.
You said it was fine if i didn't look for you more, and also if i tried to put your name on someone else's face. And i can not throw myself into the void without thinking that you are there, that you will receive me with bags of tea at expiration and sweet arep with anise. I remember the brush of your lips tightening the skin of my chin, again many words and thousands of farewells.
I look for you in the dark ways and i don't find you in reality, i miss you and sometimes i remember your mom. I wonder what he thought when i didn't dare to access your funeral... I think i would have rushed to the grave to mourn you and wish you ill...
Maybe convincing myself that I didn't love you anymore.
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