Like everyone else, I’ve also been a victim of being stereotyped. People look at me and see one thing, and then are surprised when I don’t fit into the box they had planned out for me. As in, some people will get so defensive and confident in their assumptions that everything I say that is contrary to their opinion of me is definitely a lie and an attempt for me to just give excuses and save face.
However, at a point, you eventually just learn to give them all the middle finger. Maybe not physically, but figuratively. You simply ignore them or go with the flow. If it’s something offensive, you learn to call them out and let them know that you can’t stand such behavior, whoever they might be.
One stereotype that I’ll never get around is the idea that guys can’t just be friends with girls. As in ehn, this is the kind of thought process that I always sit down to wonder, how exactly did we get to this point? Omo, right from time, I’ve always been friendly with ladies. Over the years, I’ve had them as best friends, close friends, and there were even those who saw me as a brother.
The thing is though, when people learn that there’s nothing sexual going on, they act shocked. It’s always as if, because you’re close to a girl, you definitely have to sleep with her. Anything else, and you’re either a simp or an idiot. Omo… and I’m not the kind of person who would claim to sleep with someone that I haven’t, so I always called them out immediately.
The thing is, this particular stereotype created a lot of issues for me. Guys who were romantically interested in these ladies always saw me as a threat, and to keep saying there was nothing between us was just me sounding like a broken record, and giving a lame excuse over and over again. Guys would be jealous simply because I had easier access to ladies that they couldn’t get.
I’m not one of those who follow that toxic alpha male rubbish online; I’ve always been someone who had a mind of my own and acted on it. No social media person will tell me what to do, and I’ll just abandon my senses and follow their teachings. The thing is, I don’t know how you can claim to be an alpha male, then measure your alpha status by the number of women you’ve been with. Or seeing that you can’t be friends with a woman without taking it into the bedroom.
For me, it’s just a case of discipline. Many of these guys are not disciplined, and instead of working on themselves, they try to explain it away. As if that makes it any better. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, one thing that ruins relationships faster than money does, is sex. When you have sex with the wrong people (people that should only be friends, colleagues, acquintances), it ruins a lot of things. Because it can either go well or go badly.
I know how helpful my female friends have been to me over the years, especially back when I was in ND1 and staying in the school hostel. We weren’t allowed to cook, but I had sure plugs for all meals of the day. Many times, without cost. I had school mothers and sisters back then, that no matter how bad it got, I didn’t starve. Many times, they came through for me when I was in a financial crunch. As in ehn, I have two elder sisters and a baby sister, so I know very well how to be a baby brother and a big brother.
Well, such things don’t really move me anymore. I just clear the air the moment it’s said and move on. I don’t try to explain, I don’t try to expantiate. If I tell you and you refuse to believe me, that just goes to show the kind of mind you have, and I don’t even want to be hanging with such a person.
Of course, there are other stereotypes I’ve had to deal with as well. The assumption that every young guy is into fraud, and some prospective talking-stages have even been upfront that they don’t mind what I do for a living. Omo, me I mind like mad!!!
Or should I talk about how most Lagos born and raised Igbos are treated when they go to the village for the first time? People in the village just assume that we’re rude and snobbish, and start treating us like that. Just off the bat, you’ll be getting so much hate and weird energy from people you don’t even know. If you don’t have cousins or uncles to help you acclimate to the villagers, you might spend a long time being alone and isolated from your own kinsmen. I don’t get how people don’t understand that coming to the village for the first time means you’d be in a strange place, and as such, not likely to be jumping up and down, looking for who to share hugs with.
When it comes to stereotypes, there is a lot we definitely have to unpack. But it’s all good. The world is hopefully getting smarter and woke; it’s only a matter of time.
