I have been smoking since I was about 19-years-old, so I have had over a decade of experience. And I'm not going to be one of those morons who justifies it with, "It's just a plant, bruh~ 馃ゴ" Weed is absolutely a drug, but similar to other drugs, it can be used for medicinal purposes. And, in my case, it can also be abused...
When I first started smoking weed, it was like entering a whole new world... Everything seemed more bright and vivid. Pleasures became even more enjoyable; sleep was no longer a battle, food tasted orgasmic! 馃槢 And speaking of orgasms -- whoOoAaa!! 馃槺馃お
But, by that same token, vices were also amplified. The need to indulge became too great, resulting in eating out of house and home. Paranoia, guilt, and shame became some of my best friends. Immobilization from fear and anxiety prevented me from doing daily things ex. social interactions.
Welp, my tolerance had been so high (no pun intended) that I no longer experienced any symptoms -- at all lol... just a little bit of a head rush and a tiny amount of stress relief -- that was all lol.
So now that I'm down to 2-3 tokes a day as opposed to 6-8, lemme tell ya... It feels great lol. I actually have some kind of connection with my body again. I'm able to receive signals once again that my brain had been blocking out. I actually feel hungry and sleepy signals again. My heart starts pounding, I get hot behind the eyes, as if I've been a week for two days straight. I indulge like no tomorrow -- once I start, I can't stop!! 馃ゴ
But there have been two major improvements for me. The first is that I'm able to connect with our young children. We have a 2 and 3-year-old, the prime age to begin pushing boundaries and feed off each other's energy. With two kids constantly bouncing off the walls, it is incredibly easy to get stressed!! 馃槺 weed reverts me back to a childlike innocence, playfulness, that helps me relate to our children. I have an easier time putting myself in their shoes, and therefore a lower chance of losing my cool 馃槑
The other improvement is my anger, impulsiveness, whatever you wanna call it... Weed really makes me reflect on past outbursts, "Oh gawd what did I do?! 馃槮 why did I say that!? 馃槶" I tend to feel immense guilt for impulsive words -- I have even gone back and deleted some online activity! At the same time, I'm not going to be silent to the rest of my life LOL. I need to find a proper balance between truth and expressing it appropriately.
