"I thought you liked me, we saw Tom and Jerry together....we laughed together, so why are you saying this to me. You even asked me to prom, I don't understand?", Jane a high school senior stood sobbing as she demanded answers.
"Wait, you really thought someone like me would fall for someone like you. Do you even look at yourself in the mirror, your glasses, the way you dress....com'on", Mikey who is also a senior as well as a popular boy in school replied mockingly.
"So why....why have you been nice to me? Why did you ask us to see the movie together? Why....?, Jane asked feeling curious and confused at the same time.
"Ah well, I just needed you to help me with my project, which you did and I passed obviously being the nerd that you are...thank you!", he replied and smiled.
"Wait, what!"
"Yes you are smart and all but no guy would want to actually be with you, well of course a nerd like you", he said and walked away with a shout of "thank you again".
With those hurtful words her world came crumbling down, "no one will ever want to be with me, I am not attractive, no one would want me". Those words haunted her for years, it affected her relationships as she felt she was not enough and no one can actually love her for who she is. After that day, she felt that any man that comes close to her wanted something, even if that wasn't the case. So before they make a move she shuts them out....that was the story of her life.
There are some experiences you have had that has messed with your head, it has eaten so deep into you that you begin to believe the wrong things about yourself. Experiences such as rejection can be so hurtful, especially when someone makes you feel like you cannot be loved, you are not good enough, and stuff like that. You then carry that, mentally through your life believing in those words.
When you look in the mirror you see a man or woman who isn't enough. You see someone who cannot be loved or wanted, you see rejection. You feed yourself with all kind of negative thoughts about you and shut people out. Even when someone shows you an act of kindness and affection you get all suspicious because to you, he or she wants something. All these, springing up from the insecurities you feel thanks to one nasty experience.
I bet you are tired of feeling that way, feeling out of place and needing to prove yourself all the time. You also want to feel beautiful, you also want to feel loved, you want to be wanted....but the question is how do you go about it?
First....
We all have one insecurities or the other, most of which is as result of experiences we have been through, words that have been thrown at us and many more. First, recognize that this problem exist and identify the root cause if you can.
You should understand that you are your own first admirer. What do you like about yourself? What are you good at? There must be something, so focus on those things, take pride in them, just fall in love with you again because you need to love yourself in order to do away with these insecurities or fight them when they try to come up again. So when someone tells you something that is degrading and meant to hurt you as a person, you don't let it get to you because now you know your worth.
Most times due to the insecurities or bad experiences, we put up all walls and refuse to let people in due to fear of having a repeat of the experience which is totally okay. But as you heal and discover yourself again, don't be too hard on yourself, allow yourself feel.
Click on images for the source, images used are from pixabay...except otherwise specified. 💮
"I am 
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