Why do you always run away from conversation when ever they are becoming real and true? Ashoji asked.
Hmmm, I am not running, I replied.
Then what are you doing when you practically change topics whenever it comes to matters of life? This question came from a lady I met on social media.
I don't just like disturbing people.
I see my coming around as a form of distraction and disturbance, so I prefer to keep the space.
This is me trying to change the topic again.
This is not what I am talking about. She reacted almost with tears.
Sam, I have fallen in love with you, I don't know how and why but I find myself helplessly doing this.
I noticed you don't want to show commitment to this and the truth is that whatever action you take affects me. Ashoji added, her voice shaking as she mentioned those words.
I stayed for a while not knowing how else to respond because all that she said to me are nothing but the truth, but I am always here for you. I have to come out with some sort of story just to calm her down because I could feel the hurt already.
Yes, you are here but you have zero regards for what I feel towards you.
That is not healthy for me because my heart aches each time your thoughts run through my mind.
Image sourced from chat GPT
With tears in my eyes I replied “I don't want to get into some kind of promising relationship and later find out that it was just a mere delusion that one-day evaporates into thin air never to be found again.”
I know you have been hurt from your past but you shouldn't punish me for the sins of someone?
No, I replied You are not suffering for the sins of anybody. I don't want to repeat the emotional stress I went through as a result of the trust I invested in my past relationship.
I know how I managed to pull myself together after that terrible love story. It was amazing how the words that came real turn into a nightmare.
She promised she was never going to let me go.
She promised she will love me.
Those words sounded real when I heard them, she made me believe I had found someone I could call my wife but things changed and all the promises evaporated and my hope faded just like a shadow walking into darkness, I could no longer see it as she found for herself another guy probably better than me and the guy happened to be one of my good guys, the pain of seeing someone I know very well take a girl I couldn't help falling in love with, hurts a lot.
Trust, Love and friendship was dashed with a fall and separation. That's the story of my life I calmly told Ashoji.
She looked at me with her eyes focused on mine, I could tell she wasn't really looking at my eyes but my heart.
My thoughts were right when she confirmed it to me.
I could see fear in everything you said, you don't want to be a victim of double circumstances with the same result.
I promise to keep you, a special spot has been created already for you. She held my hands, I am going nowhere, I will forever be by your side. Ashoji reaffirmed this to me.
We will heal together, we will grow together and we will overcome together.
I love you The statement struck my heart once more and again I began to feel heart loving after a long while.
Here I am currently losing the over protective wall over some newly founded love, the fear, the trauma and insecurity fading gradually as I begin to see reasons to fall in love again.
