I always wanted to be independent. Always wanted to lead a life where if there is any accountability it should be only mine. If I lose, it's my fault. If I win, it's my merit. This is a delusion. I am delusional. I'm crazy. Because life isn't simple. Not everyone lives the same life and not everyone is capable of doing everything. Living an independent life is not so easy right? It takes so much courage, effort, hardwork and a lot of luck.
The life you have is designed for something specific. You cannot change the fate of your palms and you cannot become the world's greatest shot put athlete if you suffer from muscle dystrophy. A person serving a life sentence in N.Koreas concentration camp can never become the face of the "American dream".
Reality, that's what I was missing. I am always very far away from reality of life.
I always loved peace and serenity. I loved living a calm life away from havoc and screaming and shouting and dramatic life. They say there is peace in love. But that was far from reality for me. I never found peace and serenity and calm and quite...although i fought for it. I fought a lot for it.
Even today I still have dreams and I have hopes and I wish for things. Now I'm thinking if once again I'm very far away from reality. Am I a blade of grass in the feeding field dreaming to be a mountain? Unreal, right?
Life always put me in uncomfortable positions and always put in me places that challenged me. Life is like that I guess. Life is still challenging me today also, physically and mentally. I think I found someone in life...someone worth fighting for.
Everybody has their oen life story and struggle. Finding some one to put some calmness to your life surely feels good right? Everyone has buzzing in their head...but having someone who finds a way to make your buzzing quite because they are meant for each other is not wring right?
But what if that someone doesn't understand my struggle and why I'm fighting and what I'm struggling for? What if that person doesn't want me? What if that person doesn't appreciate me or my love? What if everything I'm trying is useless and in the end becomes nothing??? What if I'm far from reality?
