I sat in a softer chair next to the window in my room as i felt the fresh breeze of the rain outside, i should feel refreshed and relaxed cause thats how most people fell when it starts to rain (most people Even call it weather for two or weather for tea)buh i had so may thought running through my mind, so many "unspoken words".
Who will listen when i speak?
Who will want to hear what my crazy and overwhelmed heart has to say ?
Who wants to listen to a broken hearted girl?
Thought just kept on running through my mind with no answers and no reasonable idea to solve my problems, flash backs of childhood trauma and abuse from those who i trusted the most buh later found out the were Lions in sheep skin kept tormenting me day and night giving me nightmares and unsleepless nights.
I thought of how much i just wanted to tell someone how depresse and anxious 馃様 i was buh ended up putting on a fack smile on my face like nothing really happen and late at ngt i cried myself to sleep asking what was wrong with me .(at just 19 years of age)
Stiil sitting at the window watching the rain pour heavily outside i thought of how I didn't want my parents to get worried so i just tried my very best to act nomal and tried my very best also to set a good and outstanding example for my little siblings, ive seen alot of therapist my brain has be examined alot of times and the all said i was ok and that i just needed rest buh deep down inside of me i just knew something was wrong, something was missing.
I watched the rain pour like an uncontrollably tears of a widowed woman who has been treated unfairly by her late husbands kingsmen, how come i get to go through this alone, i just wish someone will want to listen.
I just wanted the voices in my head to end,
I just wanted to know what it felt like to have a normal teenage life 馃ズ,
I just want to go out with friends and not be criticized by anyof them for being an overthinker,an introvert,or acting dumb or prehistoric, buh i just know deep down that those wishful thinking of mine were never going to become a reality,
I now stood up for the softer chair i was sitting in close to my window and went directly to the table nest to my bed and took out the sleeping pills 馃拪 given to me by the last doctor who checked my brain(i developed insomnia, so i had to take pills to sleep) i had the urge to tack more than was prescribed by my doctor and just end my jock of a life buh i couldn't, i might be ill mentally buh i cant let innocent people suffer and grief for me if eventually i die out of depression, i have to keep pushing and continue dealing with the "unspoken words" in my head.
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