There's something that I recently started practicing, this was after I realized that for a better part of my life I have been a hypocrite. Probably if life hadn't placed me in the situation where my opinion seemed to be the loudest and backfired, I won't have learned anything. But then experience being the best teacher is no joke.
I remember when a friend at the time was in a legal battle with her paternal uncles over her father's inheritance. When she told me about it, I was quick to advice her to forfeit it and move on. I even went ahead and told her to work harder so that she can afford her own properties.
In my naive mind, I thought I was being civil. Well, not until my mother told me how my parternal grandmother was assaulted upon her visit to the village.
When I questioned what happened, my mother briefed me on how my grandfather's family were not happy with my grandma.
According to them, upon the demise of my grandfather, my grandma hijacked all his wealth and gave them nothing.
So, they warned her never to step foot in the village again. But then there was a family event that my grandma's attention was needed so she honoured it.
While at the event, she was assaulted by her inlaws over her right and entitlement.
The news riled me up and I was pissed as I kept yelling what did my dad and his siblings do about it?
Again, according to my mom, they said nothing about the situation and also didn't react. My grandma was rushed to the hospital where she received treatment till she was whole again.
I felt really bad for my grandma especially seeing how no one stood up for her. The more that I pondered on the situation, the more my anger grew. Thus in that fleeting moment between anger and reflections, I remembered my friend and the advice that I had given her.
I tried so hard to convince myself that the situations weren't the same. Ironically, the more I try to separate both experiences to justify my anger, the more alike they became.
While my friend might not have been beaten up, she went through a lot of challenges that period as her father's relatives kept making life unbearable for her. For the duration that we spoke about the situation before we stopped communicating she was in and out of police custody.
I immediately started judging myself as I felt really bad over the role that I had played. Eventually when I saw my grandma, I couldn't help but shed a tear because that instant, I felt my friend's pain, I understood her struggle and I found myself supporting her stance.
I picked up my phone and gave her a call, first of all apologizing for being insensitive towards her plight. Well, I guess that apology happened too late as she was really cold towards me.
As much as I lost a friend, I gained something vital and I have since been walking a mile in people's shoes before having a say.
Moving on,, if we must be anything, let's be kind and supportive. Even when we might disagree with the other person's method, our words should be kind.
Infact right now if anyone complain about a situation to me, I always ask them what they hope to do about it and I also ask if my opinion is needed before saying anything.
Finally, if I'm going to say something different from what the person had already planned to do, I state it and also stress that whatever the person is feeling is valid and if they don't agree with my opinions, it's very ok to do so.
