Ellie sent me an Instagram story the other day with a rather provoking headline (and it wasn't much more) about some celebrity (Fausto Miño) saying:
Women's rights changed marriage.
Big, flashy headline (though mine is even better), while his true arguments are actually worth looking into. It's in Spanish, but your browser can probably translate. There is some conservatism within his arguments, and I don't fully agree with them. Also, his main phrase wasn't that women's rights changed marriage, but that they're used to damage it. Different story. Different taste.
Change would've been the better version.
Because of course it does. Women fighting and winning their rights from the hands of men had to change marriage and all relationships. There's just no way around that. The same happened with all groups that slowly obtained rights and got closer to equality. It changed everything, moderately at first, but then quicker and more forceful.
Until it's too much.
Which it isn't. There are calls for privileges disguised as calls for rights, but in many countries, the law has pretty much equaled out a lot of things. Which doesn't mean that it's always interpreted in the way that actually creates fairness, there are many glass ceilings and other factors that inhibit people being treated equally in front of the law.
And then there are the differences...
There are cases that women need other rights than men. Most famous one is reproduction, where women carry all the literal weight. Not so famous is menstruation, which can be extremely limiting.
It's the details now.
It's not being allowed to vote or work anymore, opening a bank account without a male relative co-signing. Those rights have found their way into normality, and it's the nitty-gritty that is discussed by now. And that, too, changed marriage and relationships.
Do you want children?
That's an option now. We can decide whether we do, or don't. And it's good to talk about that in the beginning of a relationship, because it's quite important. But what if it changes over time? Today I read an angry letter of a young woman wanting a tubal litigation with 22 years, totally trashing the doctor for not wanting to do so.
We're dumb when we're young.
I left so many convictions behind since 22. And I know quite a few women that never wanted kids, and then regretted, or got them quite late, some naturally, one by paying a lot of money to make it work. It's the young woman's right to get the surgery. But it's also the doctor's right to say no. Rights work both ways. Maybe the doctor was not the patriarchal monster that the woman made them to be, but considering their experience in how many other women decided in the foolish years, and then changed their mind. Things change from when we're young to when we're old. A lot can happen in that time.
A strong relationship changes with time.
A marriage is not necessary anymore. Here in Ecuador, it doesn't bring any benefit at all for most people, especially now that both partners have to work in most cases. Being committed to that, to change together and accept the different dynamics around that, that's marriage for me. It's not women's rights that are a threat to marriage, it's people's (and mostly men's) attitude towards that.
How dare they to actually exercise their rights?
It sometimes feels like men just gave women rights (because that what it was, yes, they fought for it, yes, they pressured and such, but in the end, it was men signing the bills for the rights, because women didn't have those rights yet) to shut them up and thought that nothing would come of it. Especially in patriarchal societies.
I feel free in my marriage.
Because I have the same rights as Ellie. And yes, I formulated it that way on purpose. I love being with an independent woman that can take care of herself and her daughter. No dependence means that we really have to deal with everything in a loving way, that I can't just sit down and be lazy considering relationship-work because she needs me. She doesn't. And I don't need her.
But we love each other.
So we figure it out. And honestly, this relationship is a lot more stable and committed than many marriages that are co-signed by witnesses in front of the state and blessed by the church.
Trivia: I actually met Fausto two times. I worked for his aunt, and he stopped by once. The workers all freaked out and took selfies, and I had no idea who he was. Still haven't much, his music isn't my style. The second one was on a plane from Loja to Quito. I had just visited my daughter, and he has a similar background story with fights over the children like I did. So we talked quite a bit. He had some good insights, but also things I didn't agree with.
What are your thoughts about this topic? Please feel free to engage in any original way, including dropping links to your posts on similar topics. I'm happy to read (and curate) any quality content that is not created by LLM/AI, as well as read your own experience and point of view, I love to learn!
Pictures taken with a Motorola Edge 60 Pro, I reserve the copyright - but feel free to ask if you want to use one of the pictures!