I fed my emotions with pizza and wine yesterday.
It's not the end of the world, I know, dealing with overwhelming emotions by eating a slice of pizza and cleaning the house with a wine-buzz is a rather harmless way to cope. But guys, I've been doing this for too long; letting my emotions decide what goes into my mouth, instead of letting my body's wisdom choose what's best for its optimal performance.
Pizza and wine does not make my body run optimally. The residue of this habit of feeding my emotions with glutenous, cheesy, gooey, sticky and sweet indulgences is making me feel phlegmy and sluggish. I know it. I've known it for years; that I have to find new coping mechanisms to deal with whatever happens in life.
It's not sustainable to feed my emotions with sugar, in all of it's various, delicious forms.
However, there's this other part of me that absolutely does not want to give up the foods and alcoholic beverages that I "love" so much. This is why I went for pizza and wine yesterday - some voice inside of me said that 'I am free to choose what I want,' and this voice also told me that what I want, is to be fed.
It's this fucking voice that makes decisions for me sometimes, and it always wants food or booze.
This fucking voice is not the "me" I want to be.
The me I want to be is choosing high vibration foods, prepared with love and attention.
The me I want to be chooses to breathe through everything that life brings instead of distracting with the habitual cravings.
The me I want to be, she exists in the quiet of the morning. Before life has a chance to make me feel.
But then by evening time, that "me" has been replaced by that fucking voice inside.
Just writing about it now, makes me feel helpless to stop doing what that voice tells me to do. I know I'm not helpless, but from this place at the beginning of the detox, I really do feel addicted to the numbness and protective padding I get when I feed that addicted beast inside of me.
Part of me wants to let go and find a new way of relating, the other part of me wants to hold on to the familiar for dear life.
This is going to be rough.
Detox Diaries - 1 - Seeking Equilibrium.
Detox Diaries - 3 - Habitual Cravings.
Detox Diaries - 4 - Professional Help.
Detox Diaries - 5 - Dismantling Depression.
