Hello hivenaijians, hope you all are doing great. I will be responding to this week's prompt which is on single parenting and how to maintain a healthy work - life balance.
This is kind of a personal topic for me as I happen to to be a single mum myself. So I will be sharing based on my personal life's experiences and the impacts it has had on me. I will also share helpful tips that has worked for me. Sit back and enjoy the ride...hehehe
I must say that the Nigerian ideology is not very accepting or receiving of single parenting. The society effuses a kind of stigma that puts down single parents. Infact some cultures shame and ostracize such. I got this experience first hand and it became so bad that I had to leave my home to a place I knew no one and stayed alone (that was in Edo state) till I had my child, all by myself.
Irrespective of how you came to be a single parent, I believe everyone should be treated with kindness and care. The society needs this because not all single parenting came as a result of promiscuity or wayward lifestyles. Some were betrayed, been in a bad situation, got their trust broken. So before you cast that ugly judgemental look,think again and chose to be kind .
IS SINGLE PARENTING EASY?
Truth is no, for both genders but it can be fun. Parenting was originally made to be handled and carried by two persons coming together to share responsibilities in nuturing life but as a single parent, you do it a alone and trust me it's quite tasking and sometimes scary.
It gets very laborious when one is alone, probably due to been abandoned by those who were seemingly close. Have this in mind that you are not whatever negativity that happened to you, you have a purpose and you are loved.
The impacts of single parenting have also not been so pleasant both on parent and child. Some treat children of single parents as if they are not children as well. Some kids of single parents get bullied at school and become angry and depressed. The parent in turn is stressed trying to figure out how to cater to the needs of the child physically, financially, educationally and more. Some of us have to joggle multiple jobs just to make ends meet. I remember being turned down from some jobs I had applied for simply because I had a child. 馃槩
Things that have helped me navigate this journey is planning, prayers and proper financial management. Plan your daily activities, your monthly spending, have a budget, schedule your time and all that. At least this will keep you from unexpected surprises.
Also keep yourself motivated. Never ever give up on your dreams and goals. Have a positivity mentality . This helped me a lot, it did not allow society's opinions weigh me down. I worked hard at chasing my goals and dreams. Surround yourself with people who see the best in you and are willing and ready to help you become better. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. You can still achieve your dreams, you can still complete your education and get to the peak of your life. Shut out the negatives that want to stagnate you or keep you from your dreams. It's not a disease, it's a responsibility...take it up with pride.
I know this might seem easier said than done but if you stay at it you will thrive and conquer. Just like Kelly Clarkson sang
what does not kill you makes you stronger
Also you can discuss child support with your partner, if it's possible. If not then work hard , have more than one source of income, be determined and before you know it, you'll be a pro. There will be days you will feel like throwing in the towel or running away. What you should not do is throw a pity party or beat yourself up. It solves nothing.
Single parenting though tasking has made me stronger and resilient. Maybe it's because I know I have an extra mouth to feed and cater for or it's because of the instinct to protect my bundle of joy from any form of hurt and pain, or the natural motherly instinct or all of the above. There is a beautiful transformation that happens to bring about a better you. There are no regrets for me.
Truth is , single parent or not, parenting is an assignment to raise, nurture, discipline and groom that precious one to become grounded to face life head on. Irrespective of the events that brought them to earth, love and nuture them to become great future leaders.
Consciously create a positive atmosphere for that child. Always let them know that they are neither handicapped nor at a loss. Let them know that they can be anything they aspire and put their minds into becoming. In as much as you need finances a lot, you also need to spare time out for them and support them. Make that kid your closest pal. Don't relegate your roles to nannies or teachers or some other help. Choose careers or jobs that will allow you time together with your kid, teaching is a great profession you can take up while also having some other licit ways of making extra income ( I know first hand that teachers are not paid much). Don't ever make them feel like they hindered you or set you back in life. Do not make them feel like mistakes because they are not, no no no.
Oh,I also know that no one sees your struggles or the tears you sometimes shed but know that your labour is not in vain at all. Being able to nuture life to it's fullest is rewarding.
Lastly, I would like to encourage single parents to be true to themselves. Live and enjoy living. Develop yourself. Make happy memories as much as you can, travel once in a while (a vacation perhaps) . Schedule time to still do the things that make you happy as long as it doesn't cost your parenting time and your purse much.
I will conclude with the fact that my journey has been on for twelve years and still counting and I learn daily how to be better at this. I have no regrets rather I am full of gratitude to God and to all those who form my support system. PARENTING is a blessing.
All pictures used are my property.
Thanks for reading. 馃.... Shalom.
