Good sex comes from understanding how your body works. Everyone likes different things when it comes to sex, so don’t worry about whether you’re “normal.”
How do people have sex?
Sex isn’t one size fits all. What feels good to you might not be right for someone else. Everyone’s different when it comes to sexual behaviors and desires, but here are some common kinds of sexual activity:
masturbating alone or with a partner
oral, vaginal, and anal sex
kissing
rubbing your bodies together
using sex toys
phone sex or “sexting”
reading or watching porn
People get turned on by different things, so communicating about what you like or don’t like lets your partner know what’s OK and what’s off limits.
Is sex good for you?
Having a healthy sex life is good for you both emotionally and physically. Sex can help you create a connection with another person, and sexual pleasure has lots of health benefits — whether you’re with a partner or not. When you have an orgasm, your body gives you a natural high. You release endorphins, which are hormones that block pain and make you feel good.
There are lots of other health benefits associated with sexual pleasure:
better general health
better sleep
better self-esteem
better fitness
less stress and tension
a longer life
How often do people have sex?
There’s no amount of sex that’s considered “normal” — everyone’s different. How often you have sex depends on a lot of things, like whether you have a partner, what else is going on in your life, and how strong your sex drive (your desire to have sex) is.
People have different sex drives. Your own sex drive can change based on things like stress, medications you take, and other physical, emotional, and lifestyle factors. Some people want to have sex every day or more than once a day, and some people hardly ever want to have sex. People who don't experience any sexual attraction for anyone may call themselves asexual.
How can I have a healthy sex life?
Having a healthy sex life is about taking care of yourself, whether you have a partner or not. Physically, that means practicing safer sex, getting tested for STDs regularly, preventing unintended pregnancies, and seeing a doctor or nurse if you have a sexual disorder or any other health problems.
Feeling good about your body, enjoying sexual pleasure, being comfortable with your sexual orientation and gender identity, and having healthy relationships are also big parts of healthy sexuality. Having a healthy sex life means knowing what you do and don’t want to do sexually and being able to communicate that to your partners. Your partner should respect your boundaries, and you should respect theirs.
Talking to your partner about your likes and dislikes and your boundaries helps you build a healthy relationship and have a satisfying sex life.
How do I tell my partner what I like sexually?
Sometimes you expect a new partner to know what to do sexually…then end up being disappointed when things just don’t feel that good. Luckily, there’s a pretty simple way to turn sex that’s just okay into a great experience: communication.
Everyone is different, so no matter how experienced your partner is, they may have no idea what makes you excited. You have to let your partner know what you like and what feels good. And it’s good to keep the lines of communication open even if you’ve been together awhile, because what feels good or what you’re interested in doing may change over time.
Some people figure out what they like by having sex with someone, and others get to know their bodies by masturbating. Learning how to have orgasms on your own can make it easier to have one with someone else.
Where do you want to be touched? How much pressure feels good? How fast or slow? You can show your partner what you like by masturbating in front of them or by guiding their hand, mouth, or other body part. Or you can tell them what feels good (or what doesn’t).
Talking about sex might feel a little scary or awkward, but it can also be a big turn-on. And your partner might really appreciate you for bringing it up. If you’re nervous, you can always start by asking them what feels good or what type of sexual activities they’re interested in. Then you can talk about what feels good to you. It’s also a good opportunity to let them know what your boundaries are and what types of sex you’re NOT interested in.
How do I talk to my partner about safer sex?
Protecting each other from unintended pregnancy and/or STDs shows you care, and it can even make your relationship better. It’s totally normal to feel embarrassed to bring it up, but you’ll feel better once you start talking. And your partner will probably be glad you brought it up. The best time to talk about safer sex is BEFORE you start having sex.
A good way to start is by telling your partner that you care about them and want to do everything you can to make sure you’re protecting them and your relationship. You can also talk about your own safer sex history first, which might make your partner feel more comfortable opening up. It’s also a great idea to suggest that you get tested together, so you can support each other.
Some good questions to ask someone before you have sex include:
Which birth control method makes sense for us?
When was the last time you were tested for STDs?
Which STDs were you tested for?
Do you usually use condoms and/or dental dams?
Have you ever shared needles with someone for tattoos, piercings, or drugs? (You can get some STDs like HIV this way, and then they can be passed during sex.)
Have you had any STDs before? Which ones? Did you get them treated?
If your partner won’t get tested or use protection, it may be a sign that your relationship isn’t healthy. When someone refuses to have safer sex when you want to, it means your health isn’t important to them — so they might not be the best person to have a relationship with or to have sex with. You deserve to be safe, healthy, and happy.
How do I say no to sex?
You have the right to say no to any kind of sexual activity. Don’t depend on body language or hope they get the hint that you’re not interested. If you don’t want to do something, say no. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex with them before, or what your reason is for not wanting to do it — no means no.
You also have the right to change your mind during sex. Maybe you started having sex and then decided you’re not comfortable doing it or it doesn’t feel right. You can stop any time you want, and your partner shouldn’t make you feel bad or guilty about it. If they do, it’s probably a sign that your relationship is unhealthy.
Sexual consent means saying “yes” — and meaning it. Without that “yes,” there’s no consent. If your partner forces you have sex, it’s rape. If you’re forced to do something else sexually, it’s sexual assault. And being raped or sexually assaulted is never your fault.
What is sexual arousal?
Arousal is the feeling of being turned on sexually. When you’re turned on, your body experiences physical and emotional changes. Your penis or clitoris may get erect (hard), engorged, and sensitive, and you may feel wetness on your vulva or vagina, or on the tip of your penis.
You can become aroused from sexual stimulation alone or with a partner, fantasizing or having sexual thoughts, or reading, watching, or listening to erotic materials (like porn). Arousal can also happen when certain parts of your body are touched that are very sensitive (also called "erogenous zones"). But not everyone feels sexually aroused from touch.
Feeling aroused can lead to many physical reactions or none at all. Some of the changes that can happen to your body when you’re aroused include:
Your blood pressure, heart rate, breathing, and temperature goes up
Your nipples, labia, and clitoris fill with blood and become more sensitive
Your penis gets harder and stands up (this is also called getting an erection)
Your vagina lubricates (gets wet) and expands
What’s a sex drive?
Your sex drive (sometimes called your “libido”) is when you feel desire to be sexual, or are mentally or physically excited about engaging in sexual activities — like masturbation, sexual thoughts, fantasies, or sexual contact with a partner.
How do I know if my sex drive is normal?
Everyone’s sex drive is different. There’s no “normal” amount you should want to have sex — everyone’s sexual desire and interest in sex is different, and it can change over time.
Your sex drive can change based on things like stress, medicines you take, and other physical, emotional, and lifestyle factors. Some people want to have sex every day or more than once a day, while some people rarely or never want to have sex. Some people need to have a strong emotional connection with someone in order to be interested in sex (sometimes called demisexual). Other people may not need or even want to have an emotional connection with the people they have sex with. People who don't feel sexual attraction towards anyone may identify as asexual.
If you have a low sex drive and it bothers or upsets you, you may have something called Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. There are lots of things you can do to help increase your sex drive if you want to.
What are erogenous zones?
Some body parts have lots of nerve endings and make you feel excited or aroused when they’re touched — those are your erogenous zones. The biggest erogenous zone for most people is their genital area: the vulva, clitoris, labia, vagina, anus, perineum, penis, scrotum, and prostate. Other common erogenous zones include your breasts and nipples, neck, lips, mouth, tongue, back, fingers, toes, hands, feet, earlobes, buttocks, and thighs. But usually the penis and clitoris are the most sensitive.
Any part of your body can be considered sexual — everyone’s different, and so are their erogenous zones. What feels good to you might not feel good to your partners, so you have to ask them to find out!
What’s the sexual response cycle?
The sexual response cycle is how your body reacts to sexual stimulation. It can happen with a partner, by yourself…and even in your sleep! You don’t always go through all stages of the cycle — you can stop at any time.
The first step is desire, or having sexually arousing thoughts. That can lead to excitement, when your body gets ready for sex. Your heart rate goes up, your muscles tense, and blood flows to your genitals.
The next step is the plateau phase, when you’re really aroused and keep that feeling going by masturbating or having sex.
At the end of the plateau phase is orgasm, when the tension you built up is released in a series of muscle spasms that feel really good. Your body releases endorphins — hormones that make you feel happy and relaxed.
The resolution phase happens at the end of the sexual response cycle, whether you have an orgasm or not. Resolution means your body goes back to how it was before you got aroused.
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/sex-and-pleasure/orgasms
