My experiences in conceiving until the time I gave birth to my little angel is still fresh in my memory. To think of it that it was like it happened yesterday, but actually it all happened 6 years ago. Doubts and anxieties has surged into as soon as I'm witnessing her grow but happy and satisfied as well since she is growing into a healthy, enthusiastic, polite and caring toddler.
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My anxieties of parenting pushed have pushed to come out of my comfort zone, take the risk for self-improvements, and aim higher for this innocent soul which is depending on me. Throughout my journey for self-improvement and motherhood, those anxieties were gradually fading and replaced by hopes and optimism. Looking back to my lowest era, I have strayed farther from that phase and now turning myself to a reliable and responsible mother that she could have. It's a hard battle but after all those years, we both are still happy and thriving with how far we've gone into.
This day was a happy moment for us both as she celebrated her 5th birthday. Back in her 5th month as a baby, she was still crawling and would utter unrecognizable words when she wanted to complain as she couldn't crawl properly. But now, she knows how to call me on the phone and ask when will her Birthday cake be delivered. I'm not just singing nursery rhymes to a baby, but talking to casually to a human.
And the song, "Slipping Through My Fingers", by ABBA resonates into mind as I saw her happily running into me to welcome my arrival. Why do these little kids grow up faster than we can notice? Their sweet giggles are now the loudest laughters at home, bringing colors into our dull family as we all have grown up and working.
I came home late as I still have classes on weekdays, and she already celebrated her birthday with my siblings and parents. However, as promised, I still bought her a cake and setup some simple birthday decorations. She has called me few times for this, and crying when my brothers teased her that she wouldn't have a cake this year because we're on a tight budget.
I bought the Red Velvet Cake to compliment the pink decors that I bought. However, she was so excited to eat her cake that we couldn't finish decorating and couldn't even take a good photos of her with it. Just look at how she looked at that cake. I think if we haven't told her to share, she wouldn't gave a slice away 'cause she know it is hers.
After few tries, it was no success! Those were all I could take decently. We gave in to her wishes and gave the slice with her Barbie toy alongside with it. She bought it last time at the town when they went there for a Market Day. She'll play with it until she gets tired of it and tossed it aside on a box of her discardee toys, then retrieve them all when a playmate comes for a visit.
Here's my little lady now. I've managed to convince her to pose for a while though she hates it. Just look at how fast she changes her expression, though.
She's too eager to play on the grasses and break free from my wishes. I've never have decent pictures of her since she was little because she don't like to be taken, she'd rather run away. Well, kids...! They grow up really fast that you can't hold them for minutes now and they'll start roaming around or play with what they're curiosity leads them to. I have now my little lady that mostly mistaken as my baby sister, for real. We often laughed about it when people don't believe me, not my fault for not aging faster.
Motherhood is a never-ending challenge since we partake in the responsibility. A countless sessions of learning from each other through series of cry and battles, and happiness and victories, being flexible and a multitasker, as to be share personal spaces. We may not be a perfect parents, but letcs do our best to give them what they deserve. And to this little lady I have, the one who introduced colors into my world, I'll never have regrets having her into this world.
