Their is this expectation that by the time you become an adult, you are supposed to know what you are doing with your life. I don't know who decided this but I would like to have a word with them. Somewhere between finishing school, getting a job and paying your own bills, you are apparently supposed to have everything figured out. You should know what career you want and what your life is going to look like ten years from now and somewhere, somehow if you don't know all of that, it feels like you are falling behind.
I call bullshit on that(pardon my language), the older I get, the more I realise that adulthood isn't really about knowing what you're doing. It is about learning how to keep moving even when you don't, because at the end of the day tomorrow will still come, whether you like it or not. Their are moments when I look at my life and think that I should have a much clearer picture by now. I have responsibilities and ambitions. I have spent years studying, working and trying to build something for myself and yet there are still plenty of moments when I have absolutely no idea what comes next. I think that is one of the things nobody tells you about growing up, it just hits you smack on the face as you become an adult, when you're younger, adults seem like they have everything under control. Your parents appear to know what to do and everything appears as if it is smooth sailing Then you become one of those adults yourself and suddenly realise that everyone is mostly figuring it out as they go. Some people are just better at looking confident while doing it.
I used to think that eventually there would be some magical point where everything would become clear. Maybe after university and after getting a proper job. Maybe after earning a certain amount of money but it just seems that as you finish one thing, another thing just pops up and immediately you start wondering what you should do next. You achieve something you worked hard for and instead of simply enjoying it, you start thinking about the next goal. You finally become comfortable with where you are, and then life changes the rules again and you then start to understand why they say life is not fair.
Like life doesn't sit still long enough for the plan to remain relevant. The person I was five years ago wanted different things from the person I am now. I am sure the person I will become five years from now will look back at some of my current plans and wonder what I was thinking. That doesn't necessarily mean the previous version of me was wrong. It simply means people change. Sometimes the dream you had at twenty doesn't make sense a few years later, and that doesn't mean you failed. Sometimes you discover that what you thought would make you happy doesn't actually do it and i guess im kinda rambling now. Lol!
But all that being said I think that is where I am learning to become more comfortable. I don't necessarily need to know exactly where my life will end up. I just need to know what direction I want to move in and for me that is enough. One of the funniest things about adulthood is how much of it involves pretending you know what you're doing. Someone asks, "What's your five year plan?" and you give them an answer. Meanwhile, somewhere inside your head, another voice is saying, "Bro, we're just trying to make it through Thursday." For me, at the end of the day maybe the goal isn't to have the whole map. It is just to know which direction you're walking and keep on walking, whatever the obstacles may be.