So my life has been pretty hectic, you know with this whole Covid 19 crap... Being in quarantine sucked !!! Am I right ?? And those masks ugh minor changes we are forced to live with I guess!!!
So since my Serbian film post a lot has happened , going for my GED then maybe some college ....going to therapy to cope with my past so that's hard for me to live with .... I'm in some serious need for tattoo therapy !! Not too sure what kinda stuff you wanna see me post or anything !! If you have any ideas let me know ! If anyone knows how to forgive there mom for fucking them up in there childhood ....I need tips!
okay that sounds confusing ...let me explain ...so to the people following my blogs iv made you know some of my childhood ...the abuse I has to endure . So I left out a detail- my mom knew about the first time and ... wait for it .....did nothing about it , I was 13 and my mom Left me alone with my step dad to which I got molested even more ... So you thought that's bad and that she can't get worse right ?? Wrong .....
When my mom met rick I didn't matter to her . She always chose the guy over her kids so I got abused physically, mentally, sexually ( when I turned 17 ) and my mom chose the guy ...I gotta break it down for you cause right now its not making sense ...
So my moms bf at that time rick used to whip me this a towel so hard I got welts ..my mom was there watching it happen and laughing like it was a comedy show ....I didn't do something good enough I got thrown out of the house and wasn't allowed home and my mom was there allowing a man who isn't my dad to throw me out ... Now I Know what your thinking that was in the past and your right ...let me tell you what she does now.
My mom buys me shit that I always wanted cause she thinks it makes up for her shitty parenting , she tells me that Shes going to kill herself if I stopped having contact .. She has told me if I ever traveled she would go out and find her abusive ex and let him do what he wants with her ...
I'm beyond trying to function or have any decisions cause if I block her out of my life I'm scares she will kill herself and I get to life with the guilt of her killing herself.iv tried talking with her about this and all she has done is tell me that "she wasn't the mom we needed her to be " and she will go on victimizing herself so it seems like it isn't her fault.
iv always grew up to respect your mom cause she is this only mom you will ever have ....right i know ... its insane ... anyways so my mom calls me everyday and im sure your thinking that's not that bad but when i say she calls me i mean she spam calls me
i just dont know what to do at this point ,so if anyone has any advice or if you have dealt with this and know how to fix it that would really help ....
I need advice on what to do !!
Thanks for reading
Sorry it was a bit of a depressed blog !!
