It's always been my default answer to anyone asking how I have been. Some take it as it is, some special few dig more into it. Months have passed - my last blog was back in April - so many things happened, and oh, believe me when I say I have a couple of drafts here. I just don't have the heart to post them anytime soon as they're too emotional for my own liking. Putting too much critique into my posts, even if I know I was writing for myself, took a toll on my creativity so I ended up creating nothing.
A running joke I have is about these mini-Arcs inside me, waging war against each other every passing day. There were times when it was awfully chaotic. Trying times, really. Weeks of trying to cry, weeks of trying to stop the crying, weeks of trying to do something. It's July and I'm telling myself to pick up the pace because what the hell happened to half of my year? But, I'm also telling myself to calm the heck down since there's plenty of time and I need to recuperate from the mess that was handed to me (and also something I probably made for myself).
Days, weeks, months of settling with being alone. Feeling the pain of being alone, and actually looking for people to run to when the loneliness transforms into something ugly. My brain's on overtime for constantly rewiring itself - reevaluating past decisions, looking at which ones need work and which ones are solid foundations. Realized my brain needs more and I should seek something else better than a dopamine rush from doomscrolling on social media platforms. (I still jumped on Threads nevertheless, lol)
Instead of crying and mindless scrolling, I ran back to where I'd get my brain to work - games. League, Valorant, even picked up Mobile Legends (which I dislike because pfft, League copy.) for the heck of it. As time passed, I kept wondering, why can't I go back to streaming games like how I wanted to? Then I remembered how people were so hungry for free shit instead of engaging with actual gameplay. Bah, Web3 woes. But I'd love to stream someday. Maybe I can wipe off my follower list and start from scratch...
Aside from sitting in front of my computer all day, I also started going back to the gym. Sound mind, sound body. Or so the saying goes. There's comfort in the body aches and bruises I'm getting from mitt and bag drills. And it's much better than other decisions that could get me into harm's way.
Anyhow, I don't want to turn this into a long and winded babbling post. I only wanted to get something out after being away for the longest time. Showing any signs of life is the least I could do.
Live well. Eat well. Sleep well. And ah, stay hydrated. It's gosh darn hot these days.
You read through this chunk of text? Well, gee. Thanks for stopping by~
