Noting Nothingness

It's been a while since I created anything. And I have been consuming a lot of art lately - still have Mindscapes on my mind and I've yet to tell more about my other art adventures.

It's one of the things that make me feel. And there's a pattern whenever I go and see them.

Sometimes, even just the thought of going to a gallery gets me giddy. It could be the inner child in me jumping for joy. I had never been to art galleries until I gave it a shot last year.

Need to get me occupied for a long time? Bring me to one of these and go on your merry way - I can stay the whole day and stare at them if I have to.

The ooh's and aah's in my head every time I enter anything that has art in it... It never gets old. Questions of "What do I look at first?", or "Where do I go?" start bubbling in my mind, and that initial adrenaline spikes up another notch.

If I could run around in glee, I would. But I might get clocked for being quite a weirdo.

It's as if the world is on mute and all my focus goes into a single art piece. From the brushstrokes, the glossiness (or the lack of it), up to the way it looks - I take my time and try to absorb everything my eyes can see. Sometimes I'd wonder if there was any meaning behind it, nothing at all, or somewhere in between. The mind always likes to ask about the unknown, you know?

One of the things that bothers me these days is how much I consume wonderful things like these but still remain stagnant when it comes to creating anything. I may have highlighted my excitement for art and the tranquility it brings but it's always a ride when that hype turns into existential dread.

What have I done?
Why didn't I fight hard enough to tread on the creative side of things?
Why do I keep on stopping myself from creating anything?

Don't worry, I know the answers to each of them. They just haunt me a whole heckin' lot. And it seems like I hit the jackpot some nights ago as I realized that I'm getting tired of so many things, including myself.

The realization that I am nothing finally floated to the surface and the general exhaustion from everything got me wandering around my files until I found my digital sketchbook. I started drawing circles out of frustration and noticed that I hadn't tried quite a number of the free brushes I hoarded from the interwebz.

Taking inspiration from Roberta Boffo's Facebook reel (which I forgot to save to my favorites), I let go of my hesitations and tried different brushes with nothing in mind. I ended up with 3 pieces of nothingness.

I was wound up from the circles that I was making when I first created L17. The reel I watched from Boffo also made use of curves and splatters. I tested two splatter brushes for this one.

After starting to feel content with how L17 looked, I created another layer and tried another set of brushes. This time, I played more around straight lines. The round things remind me of fingerprints. Do you think so too?

This one's quite a trip. I remember letting out so many noises and curses while making this. Emotions were running wild. Inhibitions were starting to crawl back but my hand eventually followed through - it was cathartic. I stopped doing anything after I felt empty.

After this, it dawned on me that I was able to make a thing again. For a time, I was happy for myself.

Relief washed over me until I got hungry for more. I miss the feeling of working on paper/canvas and getting my hands dirty. But hey, no worries. Maybe one day, I can play around with more materials. I should definitely dwell on the fact that I did create something.

This was more of a ramble rather than an art post. Whether you passed by or read all the way through, thanks for hanging around.

^{Banner created on Canva. All images are mine unless stated otherwise.
Digital art created using Adobe Photoshop.}