Staring out my car window as the raindrops fall
I'm more comfortable here
They say you're not supposed to be comfortable
But I'm just making an attempt
To escape the turmoil I've created
This is why I never like to make plans
Because they never seem to work out
Though very little can be accomplished
Without a plan
There are much more beautiful things in life
Than sitting in the car in the rain
Holding back a pee
So I don't have to go back inside
Inside inside where all the despair lives
It's no one's fault
A diffused responsibility of sorts
It's relatively safe now
But I would still rather be out here
My foot is going numb
But my emotions have been very sharply painful lately
I need to let go
Of any notion to blame another
No matter how satisfying it may seem
And move on with my life
It's hard to explain my past in an interview
The synopsis of all my failures
And the type of Stockholm Syndrome it takes
To work for a single company for 11 years
There I go getting negative again
But I'm sick of trying to have a filter
It never works anyway
I've always said the wrong things
I suck at interviews
Though I would like to think I'm a good worker
Until I'm betrayed and marginalized
Until I'm hung out to die
Even though I was the boss
Nothing matters anymore
Not the bad debts I was living on
Not the identity I mistook for myself
I made the mistake
Now I must feel the sting
Of reality
No one really understands
And I don't expect them to
Everything has fallen apart
But it could always be worse right?
So why didn't I go out and find work
Right away in such a good economy?
I let my right-brained dreams pollute me
Without the self-assertion I truly need to succeed
I am not asking for sympathy
Just a release
And perhaps an escape
Though I once believed the theory
That escapism is bad
Now I don't
Because it's all I really have left
I want to be optimistic
I want to be confident
But every baby step in the right direction
Feels like it digs me a new grave
Of negativity
From those surrounding
And perhaps they are all right
Perhaps I need to just give in
To their version of me
A selfish parasite
With no regard for another
Soul on this planet
The thought is implanted
My stomach was burning earlier today
Just from having to hear what a terrible person I am
Energy vampires or not
They surely know
How to steal every last hope I have
And turn it around on me
I am far too sensitive
To the genuinely sickening emotions of others
Empath or not
I wear the label well
So perhaps there is no hope for me
I've been thinking about that
I'm not so sure why I am here
And we're only given so many chances
