If I were to be something between a woman, and not, what would that make me...?
It's quite the convoluted question, as I can be anything I set my mind to. But, there are curves on my hips, and roses on my lips, and I have a stature people just can't seem to see through.
Am I destined to always be stuck in the body I was born with? And If I am, can I still change as quick as the wind in the night? Because some nights, I don't align with the thoughts in my head, and some nights, I don't recognize the body laying in my bed.
I try to give myself a pick me up with the rings on my nightstand, but it's not enough when they just go on and assume who I am.
I try to fight through all of these cracks in my head. But, I am weaving boulders and societal expectations that constantly leave me feeling this deep shade of red.
And some days, I still question who I am, maybe a little too much. I wish it was enough to just be the person I feel like on the inside. I wish everyone could see all the nights I've cried trying to understand myself. And for the longest time, I was scared, hell, I was terrified of what people would say, of what people would think.
And then one night it just dawned on me.
That I was going to die in this disturbed state of questioning.
And I just decided that I don't want to keep doing that.
If I'm going to die someday, then I don't want to die feeling discontented with myself. When I get to the end of my life, I want to be able to say that I was always trying to be my authentic self, whatever that means, on any given day.
And I forget that the people in my life are gonna love me anyway. And if they don't, then it isn't on me to change. Because my happiness is my
own, and my soul is not some pawn to be played.
So, If I were to be something in between a woman, and not, what would that make me?
Mysterious? Different? Happy? Content? Free?
All I know is I'm closer to myself than I've ever been before.
And isn't that what really matters?
