I always thought I was one of the nicest people. I’m easy to approach, I don’t like trouble, and I hardly fight with anyone. At least, that is how I’ve always seen myself. But over the years, I’ve realised that some people see me differently. I didn’t know that keeping your cool when people expect you to be angry could actually be a problem for some people.
I’ve heard people say that I’m hard to read because I don’t get angry when they expect me to. Sometimes people do something expecting me to react in a certain way, but I don’t. I don’t shout, I don’t start arguing, I don’t immediately say everything that is on my mind. And apparently, that can be confusing.
There have been times when someone is expecting a particular reaction from me, and because I don’t respond the way they imagined, they start wondering what is going on in my head. The truth is, I don't always respond immediately.
And it is not necessarily because I’m not angry. Sometimes I’m actually very angry, I just don’t want to react while I’m still angry.
I’ve always felt that if I lose my temper and start saying everything that comes to my mind, I might also lose the point I’m trying to make. So I prefer to calm down, think about what happened and then respond when I can properly express myself.
For me, having the final say doesn’t mean shouting the loudest. It means being able to say what I need to say without losing myself in the process.
I also don't fight people because I hate violence. I don’t see the point in getting physical with someone just because we have a disagreement. That doesn't mean I will keep quiet forever, though, Everybody has a limit, When I reach mine, I will definitely give you a piece of my mind.
I might not do it immediately. I might not even do it in the way you expected. But when I feel that enough is enough, I will say what I have to say.
For a long time, I honestly didn't think there was anything unusual about this. I thought this was just the normal way of handling things. But I’ve come to realise that people can misunderstand it.
Some people think that because you didn’t react immediately, you weren't angry. Some think that because you stayed calm, you didn't care. And others may even think that you are planning something simply because they can't figure out what you are thinking.
Meanwhile, I'm just trying not to make a bad situation worse. I think that is probably one of the biggest things people misunderstand about me. I don't always give people the reaction they expect from me.
If you upset me, I might not show it immediately, If you expect me to shout, I might stay quiet. If you expect me to argue, I might walk away. And if you think my silence means I have nothing to say, you might be surprised when I finally decide to speak.
I’m still learning that what feels normal to me can look completely different to someone else. Maybe that is why people say I'm hard to read. I'm not necessarily trying to be mysterious.I just don't believe every feeling needs an immediate reaction. Sometimes, keeping your cool is the best way to handle a situation.
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