"Can I have back my diary?" I snapped immediately I noticed it had fallen out of my pocket and was now with Sarah.
"Do guys have diaries too? " Her question was kind of weird because as humans we all have our safe place, a place where we can feel vulnerable without being judged.
"Yes Sarah, I am human too, so of course I do have a diary, can I have back my diary now?" I had begun to feel upset because therein lies my deepest fears, secrets and obstacles.
"I'll give it back to you soon, hold on!" while I waited patiently, Sarah ran out of the class with the diary and at this point, I knew what she was up to, obviously she wanted to read what was right in there, "Really Sarah? Don't you have regard for people's privacy? "
"Why did you bring it to school if you wanted it to be private? " she replied at the top of her voice from a mile away.
"There's something important I wanted to write in there today in school, please do not read what's in there, " I pleaded with her.
"Okay, just one page and I'll give it back to you! " I watched her open the diary and flipped through it until she paused for a while to read.
Five minutes later, I realized her countenance changed so I was wondering what she had seen that had so much effect on her.
I walked closer to her, "Sarah, can I have my diary now? " I stretched my hands forward to get my diary but she was lost in thought I took a glimpse at what she read then I saw.
Dear Diary..
It's me again, Tony!!!
Life is pretty complicated, why do we love the ones who do not love us back?
So today, I realized I developed a soft spot for Tina, my seat partner and I am finding it so hard to tell her, the worst part is how she acts like I do not exist and how she laughs over the silly jokes of Ismael in the class, that boy who isn't even funny, I guess she likes him and wants to be noticed by him.
Why do I jump to a conclusion by the way? I have never told her what I feel for her, I fear she would turn down my proposal, well prom is by the corner, and in about a month and two weeks I'll be done with High school, maybe I should be ready to face my fears by then. "
Dated: 16th July, 2020
" Sarah..." I tapped her to bring her to reality, " What's wrong?
"Nothing, " She snapped back trying to bling consistently to save the tears from falling down her cheek.
Puzzled by her reaction, I picked up my diary and walked out of the scene, in all honesty, I couldn't figure out what was wrong and I also felt embarrassed for her reading one of my secrets, "Sarah now knows I have a crush on Tina, goddamn it!" I hissed a countless time and tried so hard to avoid Tina, just because Sarah's mouth was like a leaking tap, who knows? She might want to spill the beans.
Ever since that day, I noticed how Sarah suddenly began to act cold toward me, while returning from the cafeteria two days later I mustered the courage to ask what had happened.
"Sarah, can we talk? " I was so curious to know why she reacted the way she did.
"Anything?" she looked so mean that I got scared for a moment.
"Did I upset you? " I asked politely.
" I have a piece for you right in your physics textbook, when you get into the class check it out and get back to me. " She left without any more conversation.
I hurriedly ran to my class to get the piece of paper in my physics textbook, anxiously I opened the paper and what I saw left me speechless.
Hey Tony, I should have said this a long time but I was too afraid to do this, I love you and I felt broken when I read you have a crush on Tina, can you choose me instead? "
Sarah.
"Now I am in a big fix, should I settle with the one who loves me already or keep fighting for the attention of Tina?" I soliloquized.
I wish she hadn't read my diary I wouldn't have been in this mess right now.
"I'll get back to you Sarah," I wrote her back and until we finished high school I avoided her because my heart yearned for Tina and not Sarah, thankfully she got the message and backed off while I prayed I still find the courage to reach out to Tina.
Tomorrow is my prom, I hope I'll finally tell Tina how I feel, until then let's all pretend like nothing happened and even if she turns me down at least for once I'll know I faced my fear because my heart wants what it wants.