I wrote this yesterday, but didn't want to dump it out on top of this month's Name That Tune contest. So it's a day late in going up, but just as true now as it was when I wrote it (unlike those documents Braveheart...those documents were lies when they wrote them).
Anyway, most of the purpose of this whole "journal" thing I'm doing is for my own records and gratification, so if I'm ok with it going up a day late, it must not be an issue. Man, feels good to be a sort of authority figure!
I went through my Gmail account and deleted EVERYTHING. I mean, carpet bombed the whole thing. I saved one email from my dad, one from some thing and another from some place or whatever. Honestly, don't remember what they were, but I know somehow they survived the mass-purge because I remember looking down at some point and thinking...holy shit, I only have 3 emails in my entire dealy-bob here.
I'm talking marketing mail going all the way back to like 2017. It took me DAYS. Every night for like a week, my bedtime routine was to just search for a term such as "marketing" or "unsubscribe", and then delete everything that came up. After around 250 items, Google says there are no more results, then you search it again and delete 250 more, und so weite. At one point my wife even jokingly banned me from continuing the practice (I took a break that night and resumed my labours after she fell asleep). I was doing it for like 3 hours every night before bed.
Suffice it to say that I cleaned up my email. It was one of the earlier steps in my metamorphosis...and now I must maintain it daily, which seems to be the general idea. I have spent my whole adult life building a system and style that requires as little upkeep as possible. The emails piled up until I ran out of inbox space. Grew the hair out so I could get away with washing it only once a week (at best), never had to style or brush it, just shake it out in the morning. You get the idea...or I do anyway, which is probably all that matters since the "you" that reads these journal entries is probably fictitious in the first place - it dawned on me that the majority of the decisions I'd made regarding my lifestyle were nothing more than "how can I get through this life with the least amount of effort possible?"
…but I’m cleaning up my act, and this felt like an area I needed to touch. I needed to start taking pride in my stuff. I’ve always prided myself on not being concerned with looks or worldly things - but what if I was missing the point? I had this revelation, that spiritual growth doesn’t come exclusively through the rejection of the physical world - or at least, maybe it's just that that is no longer what is beneficial for my path. Was I rejecting worldly things because my aims were all spritual and noble and above them? Given my laundry list of vices and addictions, I have to say that's doubtful. There are surely some lessons to be learned through said rejection, but I think one of those lessons is this one, which I came across quite accidentally - it's ok to take pride in appearances and in caring for worldly possessions, in fact it is a good thing. It takes work and discipline and presence, all of which are valuable - it's not about rejecting the physical things, it's about letting them go gracefully when the time comes...not clutching or clinging to them.
The next phase I see coming my way as I step out of the rejection of the physical world, is a state of accepting and tending to the physical world - without attaching myself to it/clinging to it, nor holding on to expectations regarding the outcomes. I can care about things, put in effort and maintain them, all while knowing they will someday be gone. Valuing laziness and effortlessness was no longer the right path for me...more on that later...unless I forget, in which case I guess we can close the file on that one.
Anyway, I cut my hair, I cleaned out my email and tried to unsubscribe from the thousands of marketing emails (most of them just ignore the request apparently), I deleted all the other social media accounts (again). If there was anything inhibiting me from cutting my hair, I think a big part of it might have been that somehow I wouldn't be Albus without the long flowing locks...that I would look goofy with shorter hair and a native flute and Peruvian poncho...but that's all stupid. You can be whoever you damn well want, and hair is not the deciding factor. Plus it was starting to annoy me. Always up in my face and heating up my neck like a scarf - I enjoyed it for nigh on a decade, but now I am trying something new.
I let my nicotine supply run out and didn't refill it, same for liquor/alcohol. I still have that Everclear around, but I rarely dip into it and everything else is gone. It's been about a week of 0 alcohol, and probably almost a month of not getting intoxicated, but I only want to mention this - it's not the focal point of today's entry.
I cleaned my car! I know I don't let the camera focus downward, so you don't necessarily know this, but I had let tons of crap accumulate all over the floors, seats and trunk. I cleared it all out and vacuumed the interior. I mean I really decided to start taking pride in my appearance, and to start taking care of my things.
Since making this change, I've had to put in more effort. Now, I have to style my hair - or at least get it wet and swash it around a little - every morning. I have to check my Gmail to make sure the garbage is getting taken out at least every other day. I have to pay attention to what goes into my car and be sure to get it back out. I'm wearing nicer clothes now, which means I have to be careful where I sit and how I carry things. It's all a lot of work, but I'm super late to the party...a lot of people spend their whole lives taking care of things, and I am just now starting at the ripe young age of 41...but as much work as it is to maintain these things, it feels good, working for something I can be proud of.
I’ve been taking a much more relaxed approach to social media. The only thing I still have is Hive, but I’ve only been checking it sporadically, and only posting when I actually feel like it (not just because it's been x amount of time since my last post).
I used to try really hard to hustle for the post-a-day lifestyle - I didn't realize it, but I was putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself, and I'm not exactly the guy who's going to make a living off of his blog, so why push this thing beyond the point of fun? I'm enjoying it now as a place for introspective journaling, and to share music and meet/interact with people...I think I'm closer now to what the actual intent may have been in the beginning. I don't want to let the rewards system get in the way of using the chain as it should be...so I'm prioritizing the rewards as secondary to the whole taking pride in what I post thing.
So I'm on my phone a little less, on social media a lot less, and now am utilizing Hive in ways that are rewarding and beneficial, instead of stressing about how to gain/keep followers and gather up more rewards. I guess as I put more effort into my things and my hair and my email and my car, I am taking a little of the pressure out of the things that are supposed to be fun...I dunno, but it feels like a good balance so far.
Hive is actually what got me to all this, by the way, so the benefits of the blockchain are very real for me. It all started as a conversation with D&A's, and the glimpse of self-awareness that came out of that conversation has been flying through every corner of my life, shining a light on all the things I was ignoring.
That little light of awareness has been forcing me to look at who I've been and how that person sizes up against who I want to be. It's been a tremendous whirlwind of change, and it has felt absolutely incredible to vaporize my old self. It's like pressure washing or steam cleaning - or like the Stink Spirit that turned out to be a River Spirit - it just needed some help, someone to pull out that one obstruction and let the cleaning process kind of occur organically.
...in any case, it's looking like a lot of the bad traits I'd been identifying with weren't me, but rather just things that got stuck on/in me somewhere along the line. So the Gmail inbox becomes a metaphor for my true self, the circle is complete, and now the cycle begins anew.
I like to listen to James Allen's books again every few years. I use Librivox, because it's free and I don't like spending money. I think I started this tradition in 2009 or 2010, listening to Andrea Fiore read the works of James Allen like every 2-3 years. I have all of his books in hard copy as well, but I like listening because I can take it in while I'm working. He has many books, and I listen to them all once in a while, but I would say As a Man Thinketh is my favorite.
The thing is, Andrea Fiore reads lots of great books...or she did...I'm not sure if she's still volunteering at Librivox or not - but she has impeccable taste, if she's the one choosing which books she'll read. So yesterday, I found this one - The Power of Concentration...it's not from the catalog of Mr. Allen, and I'd never noticed it before, but when I saw it, I decided if Andrea Fiore thought it was good enough to read, I'd better give it a listen...and man, am I glad I did.
That reference link there (above) should take you to the audiobook online if you're interested. If not right now, maybe just follow the link and save it for later - but Librivox is great - it's free and has lots of really good stuff.
This book (I finished the whole thing yesterday, but usually like to listen to a book 3-4 times in a row when it's new) is packed with relevant concepts and practices, despite the fact that it was written in 1918. I think most of James Allen's works were composed around 1902...man these turn-of-the-century guys were absolutely brilliant; when I read/listen to these old books, I wonder, how did these ideas not take hold of society? I guess it all comes down to our free will to choose, and the fact that it's easy to be distracted and hard to be focused. Hell, I had to crash that old free will plane right into the GD mountain before I was ready to try taking responsibility for my life, so who am I to judge?
I had like $133 in Dogecoin just hanging around in my Ellipal Titan cold wallet account. Now, of course theres always a chance the ol’ shibu will moon and I’ll be like the guy who paid 500 bitcoin for a slice of pizza, but I decided the risk was low, and that it would be cool to have $130 worth of new camping gear.
Now normally, I wouldn’t feel that way because $130 would hardly buy anything in the stores around here, but on Temu??? Holy crap man, I got all kinds of stuff - and most of it’s pretty great quality! I got a cot, a blanket, a few tarps, some compression sacks for gear, and honestly I don’t remember what else but there was definitely more…all for under $130.
The tarps were both lower quality than I had hoped for, but they're lightweight and will get the job done. The cot, on the other hand, is incredibly nice and the camping blanket is too. I'll be keeping these for a long time…and I used one of the tarps to cover the fire last weekend and it held up surprisingly well, even if it does feel a little thin.
I actually had several other topics I wanted to get into in this entry, but am deciding now that this is probably more than enough to bore the average reader to death - so even if I'm only doing this for posterity, there's really no value in digging in further...we'll just cover the other stuff later.
For now I'll just paraphrase a bunch of it so I remember:
Life has been exciting lately. There are changes taking place currently and others on the horizon. I'm excited to witness, participate in, and even drive some of them as the case may be - and to do so with no attachment or expectations, but only for the sake of participating in the process.
Until next time, stay groovy my friends!
