Learning.

Every Monday I tell myself the same thing: This week will be easier, and I'll have a few extra hours to go for a walk with my boyfriend! I repeat this to myself so much that it's become a typical Monday morning ritual... but when I walk through the lobby at work, the ritual thought instantly vanishes with a simple snap of my fingers.

I confess, and I'm always confessing things in a mere act of sincerity, that I suffer from an immense hunger to work on projects that allow me to always reach a higher level of achievement... and although sometimes I might be labeled a perfectionist or a feverish workaholic, "I think I know how to perceive" when I should stop and take a break even if it doesn't seem like it.

Obviously, I like success, I like order, I like challenges, I like control, I like hierarchy, I like effort, difficult things (the easy ones too)... but I also really like the people I manage to drag behind me during my work-related outbursts.

_{I can also confess that sometimes I get so tired that I would just like to give up and go to sleep for many hours in my bed.}

The most difficult thing for an individual in charge of a group of people is to establish a harmonious atmosphere of camaraderie and trust at a level that does not violate or infringe upon that individual's leadership.

Maybe there are people who enjoy being bosses, being the first voice, and always having the last word, but in my very particular case it is about trying to find the balance between continuing to be everyone's friend and and maintain the hierarchy...it sounds strange, or complicated, because you must not lose the exact moment of when to act like a friend, and when to act like a boss, and that, at times, can be misleading and complicated because can you be a friend and a good boss at the same time?

That's why I've learned to simplify processes and organize a chain of command where everyone is accountable for their actions and decisions.

About nine years ago, I had this same experience, but the frustration exceeded my expectations to such an extent that I realized I really wasn't up to the challenge... today, however, I came to understand something very basic and textbook: communication, knowledge, planning, negotiation, delegation, honesty, trust, and the power to compromise are the best weapons for leading a group.

But the path is difficult, because we're not robots, and at least we have feelings, right? Being upright and demanding has its implications... Could that be affecting my character?I've asked myself this question thousands of times, and I believe it is, because I've shaped and raised my own standards, and I inevitably judge others by them. I mean, can I expect others to think like me, act like me, or live like I do?

Obviously, I can and should only influence others in the workplace, because demanding organization, control, efficiency, reliability, ethics, and professionalism is precisely my role. Although I often learn valuable lessons from subordinates because feedback is continuous and important, that doesn't guarantee that people will always welcome my attitudes and decisions positively.

Sometimes I tend to overanalyze the impact of my interactions with others, punishing myself with things like I was unfair, lethal, or too abrupt (although never disrespectful), but then I understand that it is usually a disguise of attitude that is totally necessary to guide the process or the established work style, because the same societies are designed through norms that must be fulfilled to function in a positive way and for the common good of all, then: It is necessary to ACT, DEMONSTRATE and CULTIVATE a strong image on certain occasions, although that does not prevent you from functioning as a noble and human person.

Perhaps my status as a woman who pays attention to every little detail of the home influences my attitude toward work, wanting to do the same there.
What more do I need to do after completing a pile of tasks? Or that "Things can always be better than the last time!" even though you know they'll never be perfect, but along the way you'll enjoy it because you'll consider each improvement a total SUCCESS.

Yesterday, the girls and I worked like crazy in the lab. The power was out after a whole morning without it, and without realizing it, we worked past our scheduled time, even though they all have small children and families to take care of. And even though we don't normally get paid overtime for it, we gladly stayed until the end.

How do you get a group of people to connect around a common goal?

I suppose it's about making them feel responsible and committed to what they do, and of course, that all of this adds a very special value to their morale, to their person, and to the importance that their effort represents for teamwork... basically, that they feel proud and satisfied with themselves, and with what they do for the community.

I've always thought that making decisions on behalf of a group of people all the time can come across as tyrannical or dictatorial, and that's why one of my fundamental premises is to encourage debate through constant exchange among colleagues... and if you consider that for that reason I'm a left-wing woman, I AM... at least that way I can sleep peacefully and without clenching my jaw too much, because learning to be a good boss, even if you read a lot of management techniques, also has an emotional component: being a good person.

But who can guarantee that you'll always act fairly in every situation? _{No one}; learning only comes from practice.

I miss going for a walk with my boyfriend. Maybe this Friday I'll finally be able to do it, a ride on the highway to watch a motorcycle race while I stretch my legs and slowly relax my heart.