Yesterday I woke up in black and white. I’d say I was pretty disheartened by how things are going, and also by how hard I find it to wait for them to change on their own.
As the saying goes: If you don’t change, nothing changes.
Spending the whole morning disheveled, unpresentable, and idle—cup of coffee in hand—can definitely be a way to fool myself while I waste time and lose a bit of my sanity.
The trouble is, I’ve struggled to grasp that life is shifting gears, and that it’s time to change my perspective. I’m not talking about character traits, but rather about finding new ways to manage my abilities so I can adapt to other reality.
The thing is, you don’t feel capable of doing things others do because they seem complex, and that intimidates me. You get scared before even trying, thinking the challenge is too big, while preferring to stay amidst the ruin around you—hoping, deep down, that someone will come along to save you from the shit splattering all over the place.
The best decisions of my life haven't come about by chance, but rather under pressure and with a lethal dose of insecurity. But I suppose that happens to everyone. Once the adrenaline kicks in, I relax and start to enjoy the process.
I believe the human capacity for reinvention is infinite, but the challenge lies in the discipline, the effort, the creativity, and the ability to adapt to whatever new path we take.
It has taken me some time to grasp that the employment landscape in my country has a different scope—it is less schematic and less rigid than in the past, when anything falling outside the institutional framework was deemed bad, inappropriate, or even a crime... Conventions have shifted as society reorganizes itself into something we cannot yet define... perhaps an Alien.
Believing I know a few things hasn't granted me superpowers to adapt to the moment; I still resist making major shifts and keep making mistakes... life is a constant process of trial and error.
But at least I know this, I no longer suffer over the possibility of failure or having to start over. Because there will always be something else I can try—something else worth, my time, and effort.
Yet, I am beginning to understand something: with the same intensity as drive my need to change and improve my life: I am weave together ideas, explore, and redefine my path. It doesn't matter if things go wrong; only when you reach your limits do you realize what you are truly capable of achieving.
I don't need to second-guess the path I’ve traveled, either—I felt fulfilled and accomplished along the way—but that path is no longer compatible with the world as it is now.
Later, when you look back, you laugh at yourself; you realize that the "dark wolf" never existed—it was just you, making yourself doubt your own abilities, your adaptability, your maturity, and the wealth of accumulated experience that holds skills you didn't even know you possessed.
So, I’m going to try many things with optimism and hope, avoiding cheap sentimentality. Whatever arises now, at fifty, needs to be an opportunity where I can take responsibility, be authentic and efficient, and—above all—enjoy the experience.
I believe many people live—and have lived—in fear of finding out what they were truly meant for.
Namaste.
The text is entirely my own; I’m actually very bad at copying others. ✍🏼
I took the photos myself—can't you tell? I'm terrible at it. 📸
Translation done with Google Translate, Although sometimes I try to translate it myself. I'm working on it. 🖥️
